Alrighty, I haven’t written anything on this blog because I’m currently crushed under the weight of a thousand American University applications (which are totally dumb by the way) but something so creepy happened to me yesterday I feel like I just have to share:

So yesterday, me and my best friend went to some really useless Ivy League presentation at Northern SS (around two blocks east of Eglinton Station). By the time we came out it was around 9pm. We were trying to figure out how to get back to the subway station when:

Some random guy walked up to us and said, “Hey, you guys are on Mt. Pleasant road right now. Where are you trying to go?”

Obviously we were a little freaked out, but we still answered, “Okay, we’re trying to get to Eglinton Station.”

You’d think that he’d just point out the way and leave us alone, right?

Except then he started WALKING WITH US.

We had no idea what the fuck was going on, but obviously we couldn’t just be like, “Um, why are you walking and talking with us?”

He then proceeded to asking us a bunch of personal questions. Like, what’s your background? Are you studying for graduate school?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He thinks I’m a university student!!!!!

So then I showed him my SAT book and told him, no, I’m studying for the SATs.

Apparently he didn’t know what the SATs are because he then asked, “That’s for graduate school, right?”

DO I LOOK THAT OLD? DO I LOOK THAT OLD?

Or maybe he just said that he thought I was a university student to feel less like a pedophile.

Or not. I mean, when he finally realized that we were underage, he didn’t seem to feel that anything was wrong.

Anyway, so he walked us ALL THE WAY to the subway station. It felt like forever. He started analyzing our personalities. He said my friend was passive. He said I probably couldn’t succeed in business. When I told him I wanted to do accounting he said that accounting is the most depressing job in the world.

I honestly wanted to punch him in the face. Who was he to tell us our personalities when he doesn’t even know us? Who was he to tell us what we should do when he randomly started talking to us out of nowhere?

When he finally left, me and my friend stared at each other and had a giant “WTF” moment. Seriously…

WHAT THE FUCK.

I mean, WHO DOES THAT? Who just walks up to underage girls at night and talks to them? That has got to be the creepiest thing I’ve ever experienced. I mean, we didn’t even ask for directions to begin with.

Anyway, I did learn that he was a psychology major at university.

Oh. That explains a lot actually.

I’ve always found psychology to be a really scary thing to study. It can really fuck you up. Like it did to this guy. I’m trying to think positively and not label him as a pedo. Maybe he was just using us as a fun little psychology exercise! He did ask us an awful lot of demographical information.

But still. You’ve got to be kidding me, Creepy Psychology Dude.

I could have called the police.

Anyway. When I told this to Annie, she brought up a very interesting point.

Last year, one of our friends met some guy. He walked up to her and asked for directions to the subway station when he obviously didn’t need them. Then they ended up talking and um, dating, I guess. And get this: He studies psychology.

Oh. My. God.

Coincidence???????????????

COULD THIS BE THE SAME GUY? I THINK SO!

I mean, how many creepy, 20-something-year-old psychology students who randomly walk up to female students to offer/ask for subway directions are there? I’d bet not a lot.

Anyway. Let this horrible experience be proof that you should listen to your mother and NEVER. TALK. TO. STRANGERS.

And I hope one day some girl calls the police and he ends up in jail.

Wais is so pretty!

08/09/2010

So today, Annie showed me her mom’s Chinese blog over at Sohu.com. Interesting stuff.

However, what amazed me the most is the post she wrote about what she thinks of one of our friends. A big-eyebrowed guy named night-stalker Wais. I shall provide a full translation below. I have very helpfully bolded my favourite phrases.

“Friends” in Real Life

If you’ve seen the show “Friends” before, you’d remember a scientist nerd named Ross. He studies dinosaurs. He earns the most money and has the most stable job among the friends, but he’s the most unpopular with women (okay that’s Chandler actually, but whatever).  Joey is a poor actor, does not get paid steadily, but he is never without a girlfriend. Therefore I think that Western girls look for boyfriends that they have a lot of fun with. Of course there are Western girls that are very materialistic, but the percentage isn’t as high.  

Annie (who’s interestingly called some sort of meat) has a really cute friend of Middle-Eastern descent, very handsome/hot (…Sorry, there isn’t an exact translation of “太帅了”). This guy looks so good even if he just randomly put on a T-shirt and a pair of worn jeans. I said that he must have been very good-looking when he was small; however Annie told me that he was really fat when he was younger (LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.) This boy grew up in Canada, speaks standard North American English, is a NERD (I love how she capitalized “NERD”), and wants to study science (math, biology, chemistry). Annie says that this hottie (帅锅 = really cute/hot guy) often talks about science, and every time he does so everyone pretends to be very bored, making him feel resigned. (Haha, I’m sure she’s just trying to relate Wais with Ross. I don’t really think Wais does that.) This cutie has an extremely wealthy family (HAHAHAHA). Everyone keeps telling him that, “We’re jealous that you’re born SO pretty, so we must make fun of you” (VERY TRUE.) But since this hottie (I enjoy typing this word very much) is so good-natured, even when he’s being tortured by everyone he just tries very hard to explain himself. (OMG HOW CAN I NOT LAUGH AT THIS??????)  

(Now she says some irrelevant stuff…blah blah… Okay, I’m going to skip to the end:)

Oh, I’m going to attach a picture of a little Middle-Eastern prince:

(Also, now I must show you the comments which were SO FUNNY):

“Omg this prince is so delicate and beautiful!!!!”

“Oooh this little cutie in the picture is Annie’s classmate??? 谄媚 (HOW. He’s like 5 years old =w=;)”
There are so many hot guys and girls from the Middle East~~~~”

And Annie’s mom’s reply to the above comment just kills me:

“This picture is of the Prince of Dubai. 
Annie’s friend is a youth/teenager, he looks a tiny bit the gist of this picture (sorry, bad translating skills), his eyes look very similar, but he looks a lot more masculine.”

All I can say is, Oh. My. GOD. It’s not an exact translation, but still!!!!!!!

Seriously, the way Annie’s mom described Wais is absolutely hilarious. My crappy translation does not do it justice.

I mean… Maybe Wais is pretty/cute/……”hot” *cringe*. If I didn’t know him so well I might say he’s kinda cute too. Actually probably not. But I can see where Annie’s mom’s coming from. I think Chinese people have a thing for people with dark eyebrows and huge eyes – my parents call it “浓眉大眼”. However I still found her post so funny because Wais is way too much of a friend to me for me to not find it hilarious when people describe him as “hot”. SORRY.

BUT SERIOUSLY,  “THIS GUY LOOKS SO GOOD EVEN IN JUST A T-SHIRT AND JEANS “, “EXTREMELY HANDSOME/HOT”????????

THAT’S TOO MUCH. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!

(Wais. Please don’t find this offensive. LAUGH WITH ME. :D:D:D:D:D)

Oh, and here’s the source. It’s all in Chinese, though.

Yes, indeed, this is our 100th post. No, we will not list our previous 99 posts to prove it.

Ah, how time does fly by! Remember how it all started on that fated October the 2nd, 2009, with a post about micronations? How we’ve blossomed since then! Ninety-nine posts about Justin Bieber, Blonde Parades, and gay contests later, we’re still hopeless high school girls  clueless about life. Yes, we have accomplished a lot. STFU.

Speaking of ninety-nine posts later since it all began, here’s the ’80s song “Ninety-Nine Red Balloons” by Nena. In German, because she sounds sexier in it. It will serve as our soundtrack today.

This song is about setting 99 balloons in the sky, and then all the governments around the world freaking out about these “mysterious objects”. Then the governments decide to destroy the balloons, except they end up destroying the world instead. And they still missed a balloon at the end. That’s impossibly fail, if you think about it. Which is why I’ve put the song here. To go with the spirit of this blog, see.

On a side note, how did music go from that to, uh, Justin Bieber?

To celebrate our 100th post, we’ve decided to unveil the list of “search terms” people have used to find our blog. This list should interest you because people have found our blog with the most…disturbing choice of words.

Fun Search Terms For All!

Kylie Crotch.Weed World

waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen (epiiiiiiiiiiic)

women praising god in white gown,

soviet posters best nipples ready to suc (…wut)

Does anyone want to invade sealand

does anyone live on sealand

omegle cyber

mcdonalds in Liechtenstein

vikesland stupid

minor offense on omegle right to remain

weed lover

norwegian jewelry face

emo lion furry art (… HOW)

no flour shocked face

kylie minogue sexy feet

gorillaz polar bear gags

ww2 rape posters

intergalactic zombie jesus (…. whut?)

1950′s baby exploding (o.o)

China fuck

Beyblade porno (whut)

Anime porn dress (whut)

Lady Gaga worship the devil

Boys caught wearing a dress (I want to find who searched that up. Actually, no I don’t.)

poor young teenage latina girl

witch animated porn hay lin (my brain… it hurts)

“joanna strong” lesbian toronto

men will die if you don’t do your part p

avatar the last airbender rape porn (THE HELL)

tentacle rape winx

“communism lesson making necklaces”

victorian dress blowjob

w.i.t.c.h. will bondage

justin bieber’s underwear (…pedo alert.)

fricken fat people (I’m curious as to who searches up fat people.)

shittiest looking mouse (Which post does this pertain to?)

kylie minogue sweaty crotch (ew)

sexy dress “no panty” (ew)

cute lil black boys

german baby eating

Lukas podolski sex

spongebob having sex with patrick

rule 34 south park

fairly odd parents rule 34

jair vega mexico gay

“my little pony” fakies tree symbol bird

kfc korea fucking country

dick of lukas podolski

gladiator heels bondage slave

what is the true gender of fernando torres (I love this search term. I love the searcher. Dear searcher, I would like to contact you and discuss the ambiguous gender issue of Fernando Torres please.)

fuck communism stationary with eagle

In conclusion, YAY US!!! We’ve survived another year of high school and spit out 100 posts of random crap. We are very proud.

We’ll leave you with a super creepy picture. We’ll see you in our 1-year-anniversary post set to air on October 2nd, 2010.

We found some really disturbing search terms you people used to find our epic epic blog.

Frankly, some are terrifying.

Amuse-vous bien, perverts.

Kylie Crotch.

Weed World

waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen (epiiiiiiiiiiic)

women praising god in white gown,

soviet posters best nipples ready to suc (…wut)

Does anyone want to invade sealand

does anyone live on sealand

omegle cyber

mcdonalds in Liechtenstein

vikesland stupid

minor offense on omegle right to remain

weed lover

norwegian jewelry face

emo lion furry art (… HOW)

no flour shocked face

kylie minogue sexy feet

gorillaz polar bear gags

ww2 rape posters

intergalactic zombie jesus (…. whut?)

1950′s baby exploding (o.o)

China fuck

Beyblade porno (whut)

Anime porn dress (whut)

Lady Gaga worship the devil

Boys caught wearing a dress (I want to find who searched that up. Actually, no I don’t.)

poor young teenage latina girl

witch animated porn hay lin (my brain… it hurts)

“joanna strong” lesbian toronto

men will die if you don’t do your part p

avatar the last airbender rape porn (THE HELL)

tentacle rape winx

“communism lesson making necklaces”

victorian dress blowjob

w.i.t.c.h. will bondage

justin bieber’s underwear (…pedo alert.)

fricken fat people (I’m curious as to who searches up fat people.)

shittiest looking mouse (Which post does this pertain to?)

kylie minogue sweaty crotch (ew)

sexy dress “no panty” (ew)

cute lil black boys

german baby eating

Lukas podolski sex

spongebob having sex with patrick

rule 34 south park

fairly odd parents rule 34

jair vega mexico gay

“my little pony” fakies tree symbol bird

kfc korea fucking country

dick of lukas podolski

gladiator heels bondage slave

what is the true gender of fernando torres (I love this search term. I love the searcher. Dear searcher, I would like to contact you and discuss the ambiguous gender issue of Fernando Torres please.)

fuck communism stationary with eagle

We all know that live action adaptations generally does not go over well, unless they were based off of classic comic books. The only good adaptations were the Dark Knight and Ironman.

After all, who could forget a fiasco like this

I don't even know which joke to pick for this.

And this

I bet this is what started the whole cosplaying thingy.

and of course, the movie disaster of the year…

There are so many things wrong with this image.

So what makes the people at Nickelodeon think that it’s a brilliant idea to turn Fairly Odd Parents, one of the most un-live-actionable cartoons ever into a live action?

http://www.tvguide.com/News/Fairly-Oddparents-Movie-1020888.aspx

And who’s brilliant idea was it to cast DRAKE BELL? Timmy is supposed to be a loser who gets beaten up for being a wimp. Turning him into a 23 year old cheeseface is just… no. Just no.

Because I will always see that guy as the dude from that show that has a band, plays the guitar and gets all the girls.

WHY NICKELODEON, WHY?!

First you cancel Rugrats, then Jimmy Neutron, then Danny Phantom, and then you did a world a favour by renewing Fairly Odd Parents, only to ruin it with this?

TELL US, DAMN YOU!

Edit: they’ve decided to make another show that live actionists can ruin.

Remember Avatar: The Last Airbender?

They’re making a sequel. http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/looks_like_aang.php

It’s going to be steampunk and Aang’s son is going to be in it as an airbending master. It is set 70 years from the last Airbender series.

Not sure if want.

When one hears of a contest named “Worldwide Mr. Gay” the understandable reaction would be, “What? Such a thing exists?”

But it does. And from the looks of it, the contest is quite legit as well. In fact we already have a previous post on this fabulous event.

The World Wide Mr. Gay is something like an annual beauty pageant for homosexual men. The next pageant is set in the Philippines from March 11th to 14th.

Here, enjoy a promotional video:

Mmm.

So, the point of the competition, according to its very macho-looking website, is the following:

The Worldwide Mr. Gay Competition is a 4-day, indoor/outdoor series of events to help our judges identify a strong spokesman or Ambassador to tell the world about our mission.  The Competition includes athletic tests and extensive interviews with our panel of judges.  Judging points are based on a diverse set of criteria including qualities in charisma, leadership, personality, appearance and communication.

Which is very nice. Except amazing athletic abilities and something like a twelve-pack are totally required for an Ambassador. If only that were so, politics would be so much more interesting.

Let’s see, the mission statement:

The primary purpose of Worldwide Mr. Gay (WMG) is to identify leaders who will take responsibility of being a spokesperson not only in his own community but on a global stage speaking out for equal and human rights.  WMG is a positive role model and will work on humanizing being gay in the media both queer and mainstream.

Okay fantastic, this organization is trying to find a positive role model to promote homosexual rights and put a stop to homophobia. That’s all very nice.

One suggestion though — people just might take this pageant more seriously if it isn’t titled Mr. Gay. One of the major headaches of homosexual rights is the fact that people keep using the term “gay” derogatorily to describe things that piss them off. Oh come on, who hasn’t said “That’s so gay!” before? So really, a better name should be implemented immediately.

Because “Mr. Gay Chile Speaks Out” doesn’t sound ridiculous at all.

Here are the delegates of 2010 who competed to be World Wide Mr. Gay (I have to admit the name grows on you after a while though).

Special mention to the Chinese delegate just because China even having a candidate is horrifyingly hilarious. No, seriously. Homosexuality is not met with a smile and an approving slap on the back in China. According to the website each region is responsible for selecting its own delegate, which raises the question: Did the government know about this? China’s Propaganda Agency couldn’t have actually selected a delegate and then shipped him off to represent China. Or could it? If it actually did then it’s a sure sign that the world is ending.

Oh, actually, the Mystery of the Chinese Delegate is now solved.

Six contestants, from countries in the Middle East, Africa and Asia, chose not to travel to Norway for fear of harassment at home.

Mr Gay China was chosen in a secret competition after authorities raided the venue where the selection was to have taken place in January. Authorities said the event did not have the proper licence.

Mr Gay China said he could face trouble with Chinese authorities when he returned home, but nevertheless travelled to Norway to be an example to others.

“I think that by participating in this competition I will encourage hundreds of thousands of Chinese gays to stand up and

come out of the closet,” said Xiaodai Muyi, 26.

Phew, the world is back to normal. There was just no way that the Chinese government could have actually approved of this event. Raiding the venue and claiming that the event did not have a license sounds about right. Everyone, let’s have a round of applause for Xiaodai Muyi & Co. for their courage in doing this in secret! Let us also say a quick prayer that Xiaodai doesn’t mysteriously “disappear” after he returns to China.

Extra bonus points for the Swiss delegate. He looks pretty. Plus his name is just so right. Sorry that was inappropriate

Tobias Dickenmann, everyone.

The person who did win the title of “2010 Mr. Gay” is the South African delegate, Charl van den Berg. He is also very very pretty. Here is his only blog entry.

Here’s a delightful picture of him standing in front of a Canadian flag.
And here he is with his “Mr. Gay” scarf standing in front of the Winter Olympic rings.

Finally, to prove that all of this is not just some imaginary madness, here’s a newspaper article on this wonderfully bizarre event.

Oooh la la.

And no, my apparent interest in this pageant isn’t weird at all.

Personally I think it’s nice that these people are trying to raise awareness and stop homophobia. I’m just not sure that having a giant beauty pageant is the correct way to do it. But, well, at least the delegates are happy.

“I have been to the gym two hours every day, Monday to Saturday, working with the weights and building up the abs,” said Mr Gay Mexico, 34-year-old Jair Vega.

Hmm, this sounds like someone I know who’s also developed somewhat of an obsession with the gym. Or “Jim”, as we call it. Perhaps he would be interested in the pageant once he turns 19?

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry please don’t hate me aforementioned friend

Good luck to delegates of 2011, and may the best man win! I am also eagerly anticipating “Mystery of the Chinese Delegate Part Two”. I really hope they manage to sneak another person in.

*cross-posted to punyfairies* (shameless advertising)

Oh, thank freaking goodness.

So, our “summative” is kind of a conference thing, in which we all get asked questions about the novel that we chose to study on our own and then we have to present a creative media thing that we made on the novel. And then of course relate it to real life because everything needs to be related to something else in English.

I’m just dropping by to put my video here, because I’m just so happy I’m done — cheers to no more English homework until university!!!!

I cheated by just using a bunch of clips I downloaded from Youtube, but since my teacher is so technologically challenged (WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE A VIDEO? REALLY? HOW????) I think it’ll do.

Since this is a happy post, here, have this picture of a smiling child:

Look how precious.

*EDIT: Okay, so I just signed up for a new blog, because a) There are some really silly things that I think are not appropriate for No Fricken Clue and b) I don’t want to mess with the current format of this blog. If anyone’s interested (I somehow doubt it), it’s called Puny Fairies. Yeah, told you it’d be silly. Also, I warn you that the first post is about toilets. :I

WIN

07/21/2010

That is all.

Except this. Have you ever been to http://www.mylifeistwilight.com? Don’t. Your faith in humanity will pummel into the darkest corners of hell, where it will be gnawed upon by Beelzebub himself.

Since Sarah said in her previous post what I wanted to say for fucking years, I decided to celebrate by posting an essay I submitted.
Grammar sucks. Structure is bleh. But the major things I lost marks on were apparently I was making assumptions.
LIES.
There are no assumptions in this dear teacher.
1. BOOBAH is a toddler’s show in which people in giant creepy multi-coloured blob costumes dance around to trippy lighting and music. They don’t even talk.
2. Yes, the requirement for grade five English is just to write a Thank You card. I was so disappointed in that. I just got out of ESL in grade five, imagine my disappointment.
3. Yes, textbooks are made by idiots. I would link you the source but I’m too tired to go looking for it. In brief, it’s basically taking a bunch of old textbooks, squeezing the juice of it out, and plumping it up again with useless “activities”. And the stupid baking soda + vinegar thing is so overdone. If it’s in a textbook, even as a blurb, it means the writer doesn’t give a shit.
4. Generation X was the baby boomer’s kids. Generation Y is us, the Twilight worshipping, anime gobbling, Justin Bieber loving failures at life. You should know this.
5. I just followed roughly the format of the example essay (which, to be honest, was more of an article than an essay. It sucked ass and if you had to mark it you would have given it a fifty-six. If you didn’t want us to do it like that then you should have told us so. Otherwise the class wouldn’t be so butthurt over the marks.
NOW, ON TO THE ESSAY. Expect terrible grammar and structure because it
had to be done in six hours well two because I was distracted for four.
Oh yeah, persuasive essay by the way.

Substandard Media Impedes Brain Development

The Theory of Evolution proposed by Charles Darwin dictates that given ideal conditions, each generation should be better than the generation that precedes it. This theory had held true for all forms of life on Earth so far – all except for the humans. Even in countries with an abundance of resources for healthy mental development, the general intellect of Generation Y rarely comes up to par with the intellect of Generation X, and even sometimes Generation W. The reason that Generation Y defies the Theory of Evolution to become perhaps be one of the most intellectually challenged generations since the late 1800′s lies with the media and learning materials presented to kids in early childhood.

A study made by Yale University, published by Scientific American concludes that mental development starts at birth, and the first twenty months are crucial not only to a child’s motor and recognition skills, but language development as well. During this window of mental acuity, it is suggested for parents to speak clearly, read to the child, and to include the child in social situations. However, most parents opt for the brain numbing, “age appropriate” activities marketed such as picture books, and “educational” toddler’s television programs to entertain their little bundle of joy. Picture books will have no impact to a child’s mental growth as a child will be unable to grasp the concept of symbols until the age of three. Toddler’s television programs nowadays can be described as highly colourful drug trips – made to entertain with pretty dancing colours, because that is what any TV show will seem like to a toddler’s eyes. Despite claims, these “educational” shows are never made to educate or further brain development. After all, if an adult cannot make sense of “The BooBahs”, how do you expect a toddler to?

The trend with substandard media carries over to books and cartoons as the child grows older. The media continues to compartmentalize the young as unable to grasp complex concepts. Literature, even fairy tales are slowly being phased out of bookshelves in favour of dumbed-down adaptations. TV shows, once so rich in artwork and ideas, are being replaced with slapstick humour. Clever characters such as Bugs Bunny and Dexter that encourages kids to use their brains are replaced with a giggling sponge and a lazy starfish, hardly shining examples of good character. Children gain nothing through these forms of thoughtless media, while quality books and cartoons stays of parents’ grasp with high prices and lack of availability. As a result, the children grows up unable to distinguish work that requires intelligence, and work that the television producers pushed out to make a profit. Time spent learning about the world and bettering themselves are spent tracking the nonsensical adventures of Spongebob and Patrick. Media nowadays, despite all the technological advancements, is decaying in comparison to media as recent as two decades ago in terms of content and promotion of thought. Generation Y is taking the brunt of the blow.

Even during education, children cannot escape the substandard educational materials. Schools are simply not pitting children at their maximum potential. Children are perfectly capable of reading some classic novels, even writing simple short stories at the age of ten, and yet the grade five English curriculum requirement is simply “to know how to write a Thank-You card”. This discourages exploration for further knowledge as a child will get the impression that a Thank-You card is all they will need to know for grade five level English. The schools, thinking along the same lines, will keep the language level in that grade at Thank-You card levels. This makes the more advanced language materials unavailable to the children, therefore hindering the mental development of some of the more advanced children as well as language development of the slower children.

Older students are also victims to poor educational materials, and textbooks are the biggest offenders. Despite what many people assume, textbooks are neither compiled by experts nor well researched. Companies producing textbooks are private businesses, meaning they work not for the betterment of minds, but for profit. As there are very little textbook companies, there are very few cheap options available to the school. The majority of the textbook is filler made to plump up what little actual information is in the textbook. The students using the textbooks will have no choice but to follow through with the degrading childish “practises”, “assignments” and “experiments” in the textbook, with most of them redundantly stating the obvious (What happens when you put baking soda and vinegar together? It bubbles! This is not common knowledge at all!) . This wastes the student’s time, and often drags out a subject longer than it takes to grasp the concept. As brain development is concentrated from birth and peaks at fifteen, time is crucial when it comes to education. More often than not, time runs out for the students before the harder subjects are taught.

Generation Y’s level of intellect is definitely under scrutiny. In a world of artless media and obstructive education, it is a wonder how some of Generation Y are still producing highly intellectual work while the majority are stuck on mediocrity. With brain numbing media discouraging artistic expression and personal thought at home and academically repressive and time wasting educational systems at school, Generation Y’s world only appears mentally nourishing through a careful facade of richness and ease of information availability. Generation Y’s conditions are simply not ideal for mental development, and this is why Generation Y is an outlier in the traditional pattern explained by the Theory of Evolution. Our media and education system forced Generation Y to break the pattern, and became intellectually worse than the preceding generation.

___________________________

*Edit: Sarah here. First of all I would like to say: This didn’t even get over 80? Really?

I think another really big problem with education is that the grade levels don’t mean the level of education that you’re getting. When I first came to Canada, I had around a month of grade five education. I did not know any English whatsoever (I couldn’t understand it when my teacher asked me “where were you born”), and I got a 85% on the grammar test. Seriously. And I’m not even going to talk about math and science. Because I don’t think we even learned any math or science.

Middle school was pretty much the same – really, really (and I mean REALLY) simple English. Basically, if you could write some kind of English, you’re good. It’s perfectly fine if you confuse “there” with “their” and “its” with “it’s”.

And then you go to high school, and suddenly English class is all about “thinking deeply”, “finding symbolism”, and “analyzing the human mind”. The teachers start marking like they’re all menopausal. You start getting shitty marks for “making assumptions”. Suddenly math is force-fed on you in a way that you can’t catch up, and apparently when you go to university it’s only going to feel ten times worse. Even people who do really well in high school end up crashing out of university.

Why is it that education can’t be a gradual thing? Why is it that you learn practically NOTHING for ten years and then suddenly they try to kill you by trying to cram as much information as possible into you in university? It just doesn’t make any sense.

We have to write another essay. There’s no point in even trying anymore, because you know you’ll never get an 80 anyways.

Okay, I’m just going to come out and say it:

English marks don’t mean squat.

Like, seriously.

The problem is that every English teacher marks very differently. There is actually no way to regulate English marking – no school seems to be diligent enough to try and come up with a system of marking that all English teachers have to follow.

I understand that it’s difficult to regulate marking for English – but I haven’t seen any English departments try either.

For example, I think it’s possible to discuss this issue in the many, many useless department meetings. The teachers can try to have a big workshop in which sample essays are brought in and all the teachers can agree on a range of marks that they would give for these essays. I mean, if these teachers are all so qualified and competent as the school assures us they are, then they should probably be able to come up with such a system.

But no. They don’t actually give a crap. Every teacher just marks however he/she wants to.

Which results in English marks being things of luck – if you’re lucky and get an easy marker, then good for you. But if you’re unlucky (like I always am) and end up with the crazy-ass hard markers then you’re screwed.

Because you can never actually argue with English teachers about your mark. Because you just didn’t use the right word here, see. Your focus was too broad, see. Your essay just doesn’t sound as good as Bob’s, see.

My grade eleven teacher was like that. And now my summer school English teacher is like that too.

They keep giving me really positive comments – like how my essays are so eloquent and well-organized, etc, etc, and then I get a mark ranging from 75 to 82.

So then I ask them why I get such low marks even though my essays were so eloquent, and they say,

“But 70 is a good mark! In university you get lower than that!”

You know what.

I’m NOT IN UNIVERSITY YET.

All I care about is getting into university.

And at this rate I’m not getting into university.

It wouldn’t be such a problem if everyone got low marks. But there’s always that big-eyebrowed kid in the class next to you getting high 80s by producing the same quality stuff that you do. Because his teacher marks so much more easily.

So when you hand in your transcript, the university will be like, hmm, big-eyebrowed kid has 88 in English, this nerdy-looking girl is getting a 75, I WONDER WHICH ONE I WILL ACCEPT?

No offence to the big-eyebrowed person. Just trying to come up with an example.

And you know what? You just never know how these teachers mark. You find yourself working your butt off to get an 80 (Oh, God, I JUST WANT AN 80!!!) and that dumb girl who won’t shut her trap sitting next to you is getting into the 80s. And you just ask yourself,

Why?

Why is it that English teachers always think that 70 is such a good mark? Most university programs require a minimum of 75. Why is it that to these teachers 85 is the highest mark that you can get? What’s the point of making 85 the highest mark you can get in an essay?

So this is why I said that English marks don’t mean anything. They don’t really represent your writing skills. Because English is not about being able to coherently argue your point anymore. English is all about rhetorical devices and symbolism and archetypes. Oh my.

What really determines your English mark is basically luck. You just have to pray that you get an easy marker and a teacher who might like you.

I’m getting, what, a 75 in English right now? And one of my friends asked me, “WHAT, you got 75?!?! Then what is the rest of the class getting????” (Wow, my reputation as a nerd spreads far and wide.) Then she asked me, “Well, do you think you deserve a 75?”

The truth is, I don’t know.

After my crazy grade 11 year and now summer school, I just don’t know what I deserve anymore. I don’t know what is a “good mark”, and I don’t know whether I deserve an 85.

All I know is that I just want to finish English and then never think about it again.

I’ll just have to worry about not getting into university when I start getting rejection letters.

__________________________________

Actually, you know what?

I’m going to stop ranting so much. Because nobody cares. Nobody generally gives a crap about my petty little problems because I’ve been told that I whine so much about inconsequential things all day long.

That’s fine. I’m going to stop being such a complainer as of this post.

In fact, maybe I’ll just stop writing on NFC for a while because all I seem to do here is complain anyway.

So, toodles for a bit. Maybe I’ll try writing in a sillier and more fun-loving way elsewhere.

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