So, Britney Spears has done something respectful for once.
I came across the picture that she released of herself in a photo shoot. But the important thing is, this picture is not the officially released, photoshopped version, but before photoshop. I will now post this picture side-by-side with the photoshopped one:
…See how they basically SHRUNK her? And made her all sparkly?
Ah, the power of photoshop. Never underestimate it.
Annie: I just wish the photoshop people would learn anatomy for once. It’s one thing to photoshop people, yes.
Another is to do it badly.
Britney’s left arm is thicker than her right.
So today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to Fairview Mall to help my friend Vivien do her “urban intervention” project. It’s basically another nutty art project that makes no sense.
You are supposed to find an urban setting and “intervene”, meaning do something strange so people will stare at you. It’s supposed to be some social commentary thing that’s witty/funny/weird.
So Vivien decided to become a “washroom attendant”. She brought all sorts of toiletries and dressed up like a waitress, and she just stood there offering people a towel and hand lotion.
So we basically wanted to see the people’s reaction to this “invasion of privacy”, because the washroom is a place in which you would not expect service/salespeople.
I’m so happy I went to take pictures for her, because it was SO MUCH FUN.
Why? BECAUSE PEOPLE STARED AT US LIKE WE WERE CRAZY. It was so sweet. :’DDDD
It was also really funny because some ladies looked at us all suspiciously and probably thought this was some kind of conspiracy.
All the old people pretty much ignored us xDDDDDDD
And guess what? GUESS WHAT?
WE GOT $1 OF TIP.
That person was so ninja too, because neither me nor Vivien even caught sight of her. We still have no idea how that loonie got there. Whatever, though, it was so sweet of that person to leave a tip (although we weren’t even really doing service) and we spent it on an apple pie.
Alrighty, now I shall post some exciting pictures of our exciting adventure in the washroom!!!!!!
Oh, shit. It’s that time of the year again…May and June. The time of the year when every teacher realizes that, oh shit, the students have to pass an exam which I have totally not prepared them for!!!! Must give them work like crazy!!!!!!
To keep my head straight, I’ve prepared a list so that I may know when I’m supposed to panic for which assignment:
The Giant Ultimate Due and To-Do List (hey, that sort of rhymes).
…specifically designed by and for disorganized procrastinators such as Sarah.
***DUE***—In other words, MOTHER****** %U@*%)Q&)&RA)*( &)*(A&E)*R(&W#
- Monday, 26th – Chapter 6 math test on Sequences. Cello concert.
- Saturday, 1st — SAT I EXAM. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
- Wednesday, 5th – English essay exam, Part Un: write an essay based on an essay (=___=);;;
- Friday, 7th to Wednesday, 12th – English presentations: Imagining Argentina passage analysis
- Wednesday, 12th – Complete Gryphon Trio composition score due
- Sometime here – Concert review for piano and cello classes.
- Friday, 14th – English essay exam, Part Deux: analyze an essay (rhetorical devices, methods of development, etc.)
- Tuesday, 18th and Friday, 21st – Final in-class Imagining Argentina essay
- Tuesday, 25th and Friday, 28th – English debate on the “Power of Language” (Ha.)
- Monday, 31st – International Business Summative Presentation (must show up in Orange.)
- Monday, 31st — LATIN EXAM.
…Before I go on, might I just add:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MS LUE???????? We do nothing for 2 months and suddenly now we have something due EVERY SINGLE CLASS??????? We have, like, a six-part summative!!!! WHY WHY WHY???????????
- Tuesday, 1st – English Audio Visual Essay due. You ask for the causes of Man’s Inhumanity to Man, Ms. Lue? Well. Your assignments certainly are, because they make me want to do something inhumane to someone else for no particular reason other than wanting to drag other people down with me. =_=’’’
- To be determined –
- Music Summative: Canadian piano piece (La Vielle Capitale + Toccata), individual solo piece (good old Bach Prelude & Fugue in C SHARP MAJOR, babeh), 2 accompaniments (Hark something and Evening Prayer).
- Cello Summative, aka TEST OF JORGEN, THE TOUGHEST CELLO IN THE UNIVERSE – Gavotte. Also, have to learn Samantha’s accompaniment.
- Accounting exam – fuck.
- Math exam – Oh fuck. Fuck, fuckitty-fuck.
- Sunday, 25th – STUDY FOR MATH. Practice piano. Start international business. <– Unfortunately did not do.
- Sunday, 1st — STUDY FOR SAT!!!! D:::::::
- Weekend, 2nd to 4th – STUDY FOR ENGLISH ESSAY EXAM. Basically, learn how to write essays in such a way as to suck up to your English teacher as much as possible.
- Thursday, 6th – Finish passage analysis presentation w. Amelia & less pleasant group members. I hate group work.
- Tuesday, 11th (and the weekend before) – Stay up all night long and finish composing scary, shitty movie music also known as Ice Volcano.
- Sometime here – Write concert review
- Thursday, 13th – Study rhetorical devices and methods of development for English exam, Part Deux.
- Weekend, 14th to 16th – Prepare lots of coffee and re-read Imagining Argentina in preparation for 3rd English essay. But more importantly, FINISH AS MUCH OF INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS AS POSSIBLE, without compromising procrastination principles.
- Weekend, 21st to 23rd – Prepare for the English debate. Talk to Insiya and less desirable group members. Did I mention I really hate group work?
- Weekend, 28th to 30th – INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS SUMMATIVE. Also, STUDY FOR LATIN EXAM.
- Others that should be done during the month as well:
- Practice piano: learn La Vielle Capitale and Prelude & Fugue, also the accompaniments
- Make the so-called “audio-visual essay” (week of 17th to 21st?).
- CELEBRATE BIRTHDAY. No way in hell I’m doing anything constructive on my birthday.
- Enjoy parent-free days from 8th to 22nd as much as possible. Hopefully illegally.
- Practice more piano.
- Cram for accounting and math exams.
- Oh, shit, only until summer school starts >___<’’’’
- I hate life.
*These will be crossed out as they are done!
Every girl, at some point in her life, will be required to wear one, whether she likes it or not.
Dresses CAN be pleasant, as the people from The Perfect Dress will agree.
I feel that dresses are a relevant topic because depending on whether we feel like hosting an anti-prom to say goodbye to our beloved hellhole school, we may or may not decide to go to prom. After all, as the popular saying goes, prom is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, blah blah blah, and some dreamy guy will kiss you softly and then carry you off into the sunset, blah blah blah.
First of all, ew.
But more importantly–
WHY ARE PROM DRESSES SO TACKY?!
And don’t even try. You know it’s true.
If you run a google image search for “prom dress”, here’s the first result that comes up:
…I’m so sorry to damage your eyes like this.
WHAT THE FLIPPING HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *spazz* *RAGE*
WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO BE CAUGHT DEAD WEARING THAT??????!!?!?!?!?!?!
Just the fact that this dress got MADE at all is a crime against humanity (which is supposed to be our theme for English class this year but so isn’t, for details see Annie’s post “English really isn’t about English anymore”).
Some more examples from the first page of the image results:
…Okay, wait a minute. Wait just a minute.
Did some unknown source of power dictate long ago that all prom dresses should be tacky, cheap-looking, with as much glitter and fake jewelry stuck on them as possible, as big and puffy as possible, and also in the most eye-burning colours imaginable?
Some more examples from The Perfect Prom Dress and some local prom dress stores:
DUDE. THIS…must be cast into Ice Volcano!!!!
This colour should not be allowed to exist.
…Actually, take a look at this whole page, from a dress store right here in Toronto
What I really don’t understand is that some dress stores are actually really decent…
…Until you hit that “prom dresses” button. Then–
Everything just immediately bursts into eye-burning crimes against humanity.
What is it about prom dresses?
Why is the definition of a prom dress some super poofy, hideous thing in the most awful colour imaginable?
Why are prom dresses so specifically heinous? I mean, if you ran a search for “dress” instead, much, MUCH more pleasant things come up.
Prom dresses have become synonymous to “hideous”. When I think of a prom dress, I think of nasty stuff that looks like brightly-coloured barf. I’m allergic to prom dresses to the point that I’ve become prejudiced against ALL dresses. Which is bad because there ARE really great dresses out there. I very occasionally try to find these to lessen my deep phobia of dresses.
To prove to you that there are really beautiful, classy dresses out there, I present some examples of my beloved dress store BCBG Max Azria, whose dresses I can never afford and therefore can only drool at from afar:
Feathers *can* look good too!
If you want something longer and more dramatic
See?! This has a lot of decorations on it as well, but not so obnoxious and the detailing is actually interesting.
THIS is more like something I’d not be ashamed to wear.
Omfg. Is this not the cutest little dress EVER???? I want it so bad. ;–; *foams at mouth*
I’d so wear this if I were tall.
My favorite thing about the BCBG dresses is the fact that the back is always so simple. Why would you want to wear something with a huge hole or whatever on your back?
Black version of the same dress.
Although it’s so simple, I really love the square neck and the shape of the whole dress.
Oooh, I love this colour!!!!!!!
This totally reminds me of one of Biddell (from Project Runway Canada season 1)’s gorgeous dresses.
You can never go wrong with a cute little black dress. Also very age-appropriate.
A bubble dress!
If you want to try a really bright/eye-catching colour, this is the way to go.
If bright colours aren’t your thing, try for an interesting print!
Look. Even BRIGHT BRIGHT orange can look fantastic!
*sigh* what colour is this? It’s so dreamy.
I would so much rather spend more money to get a simple, nice, non-poofy non-eyebleeding non-full of plasticky jewels dress than some horror that looks like it cost 20 bucks from Pacific Mall and scares me every time I open my closet.
But then again, maybe prom dresses are so awful because they’re marketed towards teenage girls, who want to sparkle “shine”.
If so, at prom I’ll be the one sitting somewhere inconspicuous, pointing and laughing. Accompanied by Annie, of course.
So, today, Sarah 我 decided to not use my Friday evening wisely and instead to surf across the Interwebs.
I came across this little piece of logic that was so win, I really could not post it on NFC fast enough.
Consider the following:
- No study = Fail
- Study = No fail
…Simple enough, right?
No study = Fail
+ Study = No fail
Now the equation can be rearranged in the following way:
No study + Study = Fail + No fail
…Good so far?
Now, notice how the above can be factored with the distributive property: (you know, a[x+y] = ax + ay)
No study + Study = Fail + No fail
Study (No + 1) = Fail (No + 1)
And now you can cross out (No +1) because both sides of the equation are being multiplied by the same thing.
So, in the end, what do you get?
study = fail.
Such great logic!
I worship the person who came up with this!!!!!!
I’m having a really weird epiphany moment right now.
I apologize to those of you who have seen this before. I live under a rock, okay??????
(And mathematician people, please don’t freak out and go rabid and “OMFG THIS IS TOTALLY NOT CORRECT” and just enjoy it.
Annie: MINE EYES HATH BEEN OPENED.
It really isn’t.
So far this year, we have watched around six movies, written five movie reflections, one essay, read (sort of) Macbeth, a stackload of translated literature, and several psycho-analytical seminars on the characters in books.
Oh yeah, we read Catcher in the Rye. And as we all know, while Catcher in the Rye is good in concept, its narrative is mind-numbingly simple. It’s like Jackson Pollock — hailed as genius because he thought of it first.
(Jackson Pollock is the guy who splats on a canvas and calls it art, by the way. Father of abstract expressionism.)
We did NO GRAMMAR whatsoever. No literary devices, journalism, different styles of writing…
Really. Macbeth was very shallowly touched upon. Catcher in the Rye discussion turned into whether Holden Caulfield was psychotic (of fucking course he was.)
Movie reflections were mostly “what were the main similarities between the two characters?” or “what do YOU think can be improved upon in the movie?” How do you go marking something like that?
And what is the other class doing? Something a lot more sane. One class is reading, writing short fiction, learning about poetic devices, all the good stuff.
Another class … is doing something less sane. They are making videos to a music piece about crimes against humanity.
No wonder Canadians never pass the SATs. We all fail in the grammar section. The last time I remember doing grammar in school was in grade seven (something about clauses?). The last time I did poetic devices was in grade … nine. I think.
To drive my point home, this is usually what happens in my English class. I will not name names.
Pretend my teacher’s name is Georgia.
[Bell rings. Students are seen entering the room at an astonishingly slow rate. Lighting is low. After ten or so minutes, the class settles down.]
Ms Georgia: Hello [insert witty nickname of the day here]. How was your weekend?
[Several shouts from the students. Most murmurs. Some yells about some dumb romance comedy they saw that was apparently sooo goood]
Random Student A: I saw the 40 Year Old Virgin todaii! Eet waz sooo gud!
Random Student B: OMgzzzz! Liek totalley!
Ms Georgia: Really? I haven’t watched that. I was busy editing scripts with the screen arts students (THEY WOULD DROWN IF WITHOUT MY EXPERTISE). BY THE WAY you folks should go to the play the drama majors are putting up. It’s really good, I think you’ll all enjoy it.
[We've been to their dumb shows. They're bad. Stories are so PG it hurts. They realized that somewhere last year and decided to go hippie avant-garde indie bullshit instead. Which just ended up as a two really overly dramatic people on stage talking about their abusive parents or something.]
Mrs Georgia: So [insert previous nickname here], today we are going to read this excerpt from [insert post modern German/Argentine/Italian/Swiss/Japanese/Puerto Rican/Spanish/Serbian/F arose/Islandic/Latvian/Antarctican/Any Nationality that doesn't Speak English writer here]. Student C, read please. [Turns to Student C and grins]
Bob: [Student C will be talking a lot so let's call him Bob. He starts reading for a few paragraphs before stopped by Ms Georgia.]
Ms. Georgia: Isn’t that funny? I find [insert some philosophy argument here with holes in them. The philosophy topic must be one that doesn't really have an answer. ie: Is reality real?]
Bob: Yes, but [points out really obvious hole in her argument]
Ms Georgia: You’re missing the point though, [points out something totally irrelevant in Bob's statement that contributes to nothing. ie: you're only stating your opinion.]
Bob: That’s not the point of what I’m saying. I’m saying that … [ tries to restate his argument.]
Ms Georgia: I’m not getting what you’re saying dear. You need to construct your sentences better. [Restating sentence: failed]
Student D: [Let's call him Rob] Ms Georgia, what he’s trying to say is [insert an absurdly simple explanation that any toddler should be able to understand]
Bob: Yes! That’s what I said!
Ms Georgia: That’s not what he is arguing.
Rob: Yes it is! He just said it is.
Bob: It is.
Ms Georgia: No no, you’re both missing the point. You may think thats what he’s arguing, but he’s not.
Bob: I am arguing that!
Rob: but– but– [gives up.]
And so goes the rest of class. The other twenty-eight or so students in class are ignored. No English is actually done. Plenty of philosophy though, as skewed as it is. Most of it redundant as with grade elevens, everyone has either encountered most of the philosophy riddles or thought of them extensively already.
How do you grade something like that? I mean seriously. How do you grade something so incredibly vague? How do you objectively grade the students when one class is writing a short story and the other is making an audio-visual representation of an over analyzed character’s psyche?
One more thing — this year’s theme? Crimes against fellow man. Or something along those lines. If you were in my class you’d think the theme was about Death.
…Ever since the beginning of time, I have been dreaming of a majestic, all-knowing volcano that spews ice. Also known as an ice volcano.
Think about it–I would totally love to be able to cast all that is wrong with the world into an ice volcano, in which the said wrong things can perish in a great ice explosion.
- Homework — To be done by Wednesday.
- Groceries — To be purchased tomorrow after school.
- Claude Watson dance majors, pure evil teachers and anime porn — To be cast into ice volcano.
Anyway. But obviously, this has been an impossible dream.
So I was just trying to do my composition for music theory class, crying tears of emoness because I really don’t know shit about composing. In fact, I got so frustrated I named my composition “Ice Volcano”, in hopes that it will get swallowed up by something miraculously and leave me alone.
Right when I have done so, my Dutch buddy Ilse informed me on Facebook that all the planes are currently forbidden to fly because a volcano in Iceland had just erupted.
Of course, I had to read that line again just to be sure –A volcano in Iceland had just erupted.
Oh my god. It’s meant to be!!!!!!!! There’s only one thing to do — TO THE INTERNET!
So I go on my beloved National Geographic website, and guess what I found:
Iceland Volcano Erupts, Under Ice This Time
Iceland Volcano Spews Anew
Photograph courtesy Árni Sæberg, Icelandic Coast Guard
Steam explodes from a glacier-topped Iceland volcano in an aerial picture taken April 14, 2010, by the Icelandic Coast Guard. The new eruption began Tuesday, just as the headline-making lava fountains at a neighboring, ice-free vent were dying down.
Volcanic heat is rapidly melting the 650-foot-thick (200-meter-thick) ice block atop the vent, which is part of Eyjafjallajökull volcano.
I’m going to die.
The volcano freaking erupted under ice. It fucking blew up a 200-metre-thick glacier.
Can you imagine how amazing that explosion must have been like? I saw some photos and they were absolutely breathtaking. It makes me want to explode myself. With happiness.
Okay, I’m really sorry that I’m so happy about a volcano eruption. I know that it pretty much killed all air travel in Europe and tons of other bad things, but at least no one got hurt. I mean, I suppose Iceland is pretty much the best place for a volcano to erupt short of Antarctica, because imagine how many people would have gotten hurt if it happened in, say, Japan. I’m just not feeling considerate enough right now to really think about all the consequences of the eruption.
All I can think about is that a volcano erupted UNDER ICE.
I’ve finally discovered my ice volcano.
Wow, when things like this happen, I almost feel optimistic about life.
To wrap things up, some pictures of the epicness that is Eyjafjallajökull (I mean, look at that name. How can it not be epic, with a name like Eyjafjallajökull? How on earth do you pronounce that, anyway?)
And finally, my favorite picture:
This looks so Apocalyptic I can’t stop staring.
…I’m seriously going to cry now. :’DDDDD
P.S. I’m so sorry about the people who were stuck in the airports though. That really really sucks. I almost feel guilty about enjoying this event so much. Almost.
(This is done for an art project. For those fluent in Esperanto, you’ll probably find the following hilarious.)
Repubic of Likornos (Respubliko Likornos)
Population: 1.23 million
Official Language: Esperanto
Official Animal: Unicorn
Personification: Patrino Unukotnulo. She is said to have been a god who fell in love with the sea. So much so that she became one with it. So she is technically Likornos, and all the animals and creatures are her children.
Colours: white, silver.
Symbol: 3 swirls.
Currency: Likornos Feca. Horns count as tradeable material but it is mostly in underground.
GDP: $ 27 000
Area: 52000 km
Official Religion: None, but about 30% practise Bokonun.
Politics: Verma Demokratos. Party Leader: Herania Bakuleonis
Settlement dates back to prehistoric times. Early cave paintings depict Elfo as well as Feino living together. The first form of civilization is found near the settlement of Pomo. It was rumoured that the legendary battle of Sciado took place in Cerviko
The population grew steadily for the next few centuries. Due to the island’s initial isolation, a rich and distinct culture developed.
Supposedly founded when three enlightened gentlemen took a draught from the Biero River.
In the middle ages, the Morto Blankigi wiped out about sixty percent of the initial population. Because of the political stability at the time, Likorno was submitted into a political union with the nearby kingdom Fenikso and other states to form the Fantazio Union. The union dissolved after 500 years of Fenikso monarch rule. The two super states Leujatano and Drako fought for control of the Union for another 300 years. After gaining independence, Likorno underwent a few brief decades of steady rule before engulfing in civil war. The two political powers Pseuxda Demokrato partio and Verema Demokrato partio. Pseuxda Demokrato won the war but it’s unrealistic rule ended in 30 years with the Vortico Revolution. The civil instability gave the country an excuse to remain neutral in the Mondimilito , but it was invaded and annexed in the Dua Mondilito by Aglo. It regained independence at the end of the war by Treaty of Krifo.
Likornos enjoys a loose democratic system. Elections are held every three years. After gaining independence, the northern part of country underwent rapid industrialization. The southern quarter stayed mainly agricultural due to its fertile climate. Despite it’s agricultural stagnation, its strategic location in the Argxenta Sea makes several important commercial and military ports.
Recently, the neighbouring country of Drakos invaded the Likonos island of Scintili. This caused outrage and war was declared.
Geography and Wildlife
Four mountains, two active volcanoes. Two major glaciers. The north is generally dry and cool, the south wet and temperate. Mountainous terrain for the most part, lowland in the Flarilo region. 20% of the island is arable.
Significant wildlife include unukolos (unique to the island) and fenisks (unique in the region). Swallows frequent the island during migration season. Official tree is the hawthorne, but a significant amount of cypress and pine are present. Winterberries are abundant in the northern Orelo region as well as the mountaintops.
Main exports are tourism, precious stones, and sugar.
The majority of the population are native Likorians, but a significant amount of Fekisians live along the eastern shore.
Art and Culture
Art develops mostly in the Flarilo region due to its location as an important commercial port and friendly relations with its trading partners. Most of its influence comes from the Fenistian cities Sardelo and Flordesegna.
Likornos is relatively crime-free. Only exception to this is the underground organs trade.
To contact Likornos, e-mail email@example.com
(If anyone got ANY of the unfunny references I made, I appluad you. I will put up a map of the fabled land of Likornos soon.)
Norway, stop hogging all the awesome.
The invisible countries demand that you share.