Let’s talk about dresses. I’m serious. Wait…DON’T LEAVE!!!! D:
Every girl, at some point in her life, will be required to wear one, whether she likes it or not.
Dresses CAN be pleasant, as the people from The Perfect Dress will agree.
I feel that dresses are a relevant topic because depending on whether we feel like hosting an anti-prom to say goodbye to our beloved hellhole school, we may or may not decide to go to prom. After all, as the popular saying goes, prom is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, blah blah blah, and some dreamy guy will kiss you softly and then carry you off into the sunset, blah blah blah.
First of all, ew.
But more importantly–
WHY ARE PROM DRESSES SO TACKY?!
And don’t even try. You know it’s true.
If you run a google image search for “prom dress”, here’s the first result that comes up:
…I’m so sorry to damage your eyes like this.
WHAT THE FLIPPING HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *spazz* *RAGE*
WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO BE CAUGHT DEAD WEARING THAT??????!!?!?!?!?!?!
Just the fact that this dress got MADE at all is a crime against humanity (which is supposed to be our theme for English class this year but so isn’t, for details see Annie’s post “English really isn’t about English anymore”).
Some more examples from the first page of the image results:
…Okay, wait a minute. Wait just a minute.
Did some unknown source of power dictate long ago that all prom dresses should be tacky, cheap-looking, with as much glitter and fake jewelry stuck on them as possible, as big and puffy as possible, and also in the most eye-burning colours imaginable?
Some more examples from The Perfect Prom Dress and some local prom dress stores:
DUDE. THIS…must be cast into Ice Volcano!!!!
This colour should not be allowed to exist.
…Actually, take a look at this whole page, from a dress store right here in Toronto
What I really don’t understand is that some dress stores are actually really decent…
…Until you hit that “prom dresses” button. Then–
Everything just immediately bursts into eye-burning crimes against humanity.
What is it about prom dresses?
Why is the definition of a prom dress some super poofy, hideous thing in the most awful colour imaginable?
Why are prom dresses so specifically heinous? I mean, if you ran a search for “dress” instead, much, MUCH more pleasant things come up.
Prom dresses have become synonymous to “hideous”. When I think of a prom dress, I think of nasty stuff that looks like brightly-coloured barf. I’m allergic to prom dresses to the point that I’ve become prejudiced against ALL dresses. Which is bad because there ARE really great dresses out there. I very occasionally try to find these to lessen my deep phobia of dresses.
To prove to you that there are really beautiful, classy dresses out there, I present some examples of my beloved dress store BCBG Max Azria, whose dresses I can never afford and therefore can only drool at from afar:
Feathers *can* look good too!
If you want something longer and more dramatic
See?! This has a lot of decorations on it as well, but not so obnoxious and the detailing is actually interesting.
THIS is more like something I’d not be ashamed to wear.
Omfg. Is this not the cutest little dress EVER???? I want it so bad. ;–; *foams at mouth*
I’d so wear this if I were tall.
My favorite thing about the BCBG dresses is the fact that the back is always so simple. Why would you want to wear something with a huge hole or whatever on your back?
Black version of the same dress.
Although it’s so simple, I really love the square neck and the shape of the whole dress.
Oooh, I love this colour!!!!!!!
This totally reminds me of one of Biddell (from Project Runway Canada season 1)’s gorgeous dresses.
You can never go wrong with a cute little black dress. Also very age-appropriate.
A bubble dress!
If you want to try a really bright/eye-catching colour, this is the way to go.
If bright colours aren’t your thing, try for an interesting print!
Look. Even BRIGHT BRIGHT orange can look fantastic!
*sigh* what colour is this? It’s so dreamy.
I would so much rather spend more money to get a simple, nice, non-poofy non-eyebleeding non-full of plasticky jewels dress than some horror that looks like it cost 20 bucks from Pacific Mall and scares me every time I open my closet.
But then again, maybe prom dresses are so awful because they’re marketed towards teenage girls, who want to sparkle “shine”.
If so, at prom I’ll be the one sitting somewhere inconspicuous, pointing and laughing. Accompanied by Annie, of course.