You people search up “porn” a lot.
I mean, A LOT. Seriously. You should see our search term statistics. Just because I ONCE used the word ‘eye porn’ to describe art. I didn’t even tag it.
There are some searches that I don’t even know HOW it brought you pervs to the page. Avatar bondage rape porn? Whut? We haven’t even written anything about Avatar yet.
So I’m tagging this post “porn” and putting in as many “normal” dirty words as I can (in white, highlight to see). Let’s see how many clicks this gets.
I’m sure there are people out there who are more creative than I am when it comes to porn terms. You can suggest them in the comments. Actually, DON’T.
Justin Bieber Walks Into A Revolving Door
Oh, and a plane crashed in southern India. Less than ten people survived, but nobody cares about that.
(Taken from Yahoo! News.)
Seriously, people? Justin freaking Beaver gets a headline and the plane crash doesn’t?
*It’s a sad sad world when “Justin Bieber walks into a revolving door” is news.
Most newspapers are not about the news anymore — they’re made to sell. And as any product that is made to sell, it is full of something that we humans know as entertainment.
I unfortunately don’t have a newspaper on hand right now. I will, however, bring your attention to the Yahoo! newspage.
IN THE SPOTLIGHT:
This high-fat snack can help your healthA handful of this food every day may help some people cut cholesterol and prevent weight gain. What is it?
I’m guessing it’s the same old crap these kind of articles always say– nuts, fish, eggs, etc.
Pro golfer found dead in Las Vegas homePolice launch an investigation into the death of 25-year-old LPGA golfer Erica Blasberg. Details remain unclear
Millions of people die everyday, and this is the one you decide is important?
The person you should call in tough timesResearch finds that one simple conversation can effectively calm nerves after a tough event. Who to talk to
Common sense also shows that talking to people you know well in general can effectively calm nerves after a tough event. Seriously, who the hell funded this research? Why is this news?
See inside Sandra Bullock’s new houseThe star actress moves into a historic Victorian mansion located in New Orleans. US$2.25 million price tag
I can see it now, in the pages of history books and archives. A PERSON BUYS A HOUSE AND MOVES IN.
What to eat when afternoon funk kicks inIf you find yourself nodding out in a meeting and need a quick lift, here’s what to reach for. There are 5 options
Health article number 3/32. Let me guess, same stuff about apples, granola bars, and raisins, right?
Pussycat Doll stuns judges on ‘DWTS’The random dance Nicole selects is executed so perfectly the judges don’t know what to criticize. Her score
WHO. THE FUCK. CARES.
Surprising ways to use a rubber bandThose stretchy circles of rubber can be used for a lot more than just holding things together. Keep an apple fresh?
I’m sure we all know the versatility of an elastic band. This is why I have a ball of it in my drawer. Why is this in the news? Shouldn’t this be in the Tips section? Who the hell researches the different uses for elastic bands anyhow? How BORING ARE YOU?
Massive, 11-foot fish found off of Sweden Giant herring pulled from waters of Scandinavian country for the first time in 130 years. Origin of sea serpent myth
Okay, this is actually some news. It doesn’t deserve to be in the spotlight though. OH LOOK A BIG FISH. OH LOOK GREECE WENT BANKRUPT. OH LOOK AT BRITAIN’S HUNG GOVERNMENT. Big fish is obviously more important than politics and human condition.
Rubber bands are definitely more important than politics and human condition.
It’ll take me forever to list the rest, so I’ll just abridge the rest:
Adult plays basketball for high school team — this will affect the world, how?
Terrance Howard and some other chick won’t be appearing in some movie — Oh no. The world will end.
A paralyzed wrestler regains ability to walk — I thought this was news about medicine until I read the article about some emo sap preaching hope and love.
A child is the only survivor in a Libyan plane crash – So let me get this straight — A plane crashed in Libya, only one kid survived, and Sandra Bullock’s new house gets more attention?
Miss USA photos under fire for being too sexy — I consider this an insult to Libya. Seriously, too sexy? The whole pageant is a sex show.
Golfer is disqualified from some tournament — Oh NO.
There was a duet on American Idol — Big surprise.
Oscars won’t let Betty White perform — Again — WHO CARES. Oscars sucks anyway.
Biggest corporate bullies — … Wal*Mart>all.
Has Apple lost its cool? — Apple was always shitty. This isn’t news.
How to get a promotion — Notnewsnotnewsnotnews. And everyone knows it’s to give your boss a blowjob.
Winnipeg Jets looks about breaking up — Yeah, they threaten this every year. Not news.
Most outrages executive perks — Not news.
Dwarf wrestler astounds people — Entertainment. GTFO.
British leadership officially changes hands to Conservative David Cameron.
This is the TWENTY THIRD headline.
Out of THIRTY TWO.
AFTER peanuts, elastic bands, and Miss USA photos.
What is wrong with this picture?
It is possible to die from penalty kicks — it is possible to die from any attack to the face if it’s forceful enough, genius.
Brazilian soccer player banned from world cup – Brazil has like a hundred more to replace him anyway.
Landslide in Quebec forces people to evacuate — I – it – fu- I have no words. 26 out of 32.
NFL star was homeless – why does this sound like the Blind Side?
Some dude supposedly dead returns to the village healthy ten years later — I read this article. It was paired with a cute picture of a bird for some reason. Anyway, basically the dude ran away because he thought he killed this other guy in a fight. The dead body is still unidentified. Probably harvested for organs by now.
Some kid sings a piano version of Paparazzi by Lady Gaga — Cool, but not news.
Jessica Simpson looks good – Well, yeah. No need to remind us.
Twilight: Eclipse might change some actors — Twilight sucks. I hope you all know that. It’s an artless movie anyway.
A dictionary definition was wrong for 100 years — it’s the scientific definition for “Siphon”. Which, you know, nobody really pays attention to, and if you were a scientist you wouldn’t look up that word anyway.
What is wrong with the world -_-?
I stumbled across this article on MSN today, which I’ll copy and paste here:
Justin Bieber wouldn’t mind dating an older woman
Canadian teen pop sensation Justin Bieber is pictured being mobbed by, and signing autographs for hundreds of screaming fans as he leaves the studios of BBC Radio One following an interview. As the fans surged forward, the young singer came to the aid of one tearful young girl who was being crushed against the barriers.
Teen singer Justin Bieber has admitted he wouldn’t mind an older woman and 40 is his limit.
The 16-year-old star was recently in New Zealand and said he wouldn’t mind dating a girl who is older than him.
According to news.com.au, he said: “Anything about 40 is a little too old for me. I just look for a girl who is funny and has nice eyes and a smile.”
The singer, who recently flew to Paris to continue his promo tour, said he still has a crush on 29-year-old Kim Kardashian.
He said: “I think she’s cute. And, no, she’s not too old for me.”
Kardashian recently said she believed her 14-year-old sister Kendall was a good match for the teen star.
*explodes* What is this? WHAT IS THIS???????????
40 is his limit? FORTY? As in, Four Zero?
“Oh, anything more than forty is a little too old for me~~~”
Just in case you didn’t realize, Justin Bieber, a 40-year-old person is more than TWO DECADES older than you and can be equated to DATING YOUR MOM.
And what makes you think that an “older woman” would want to date you? Unless they’re a pedophile of course.
Also, “I think Kim Kardashian’s cute~~~”
…You think Kim Kardashian’s CUTE.
That just HAS to be the biggest insult to Kim Kardashian ever.
Okay, good for you for insulting Kim Kardashian thus, but seriously Justin Bieber, you have NO RIGHT to have a crush on Kim Kardashian. A puny boy like you has NO RIGHT to want to date some 30-year-old sexy woman.
And yes, Justin Bieber. That’s all you are. A puny, stupid teenage boy.
I can’t believe Justin Bieber’s ego is so inflated that he thinks he has a chance with people like Kim Kardashian and Beyonce.
And regarding his “40 is my limit~” I say –
We totally need to invent a word that is opposite of “cougar”.
See, Justin Bieber has gone to the point that such a word is needed to describe him.
So does anyone still think that there’s nothing wrong with this generation of kids?
*Edit: I showed this post to my dear rich terrorist friend Wais (which means something like Night stalker Walker or something like that) and his reaction was so sweet:
“OH DEAR GOD!!! EW EW EWWW JUSTINE BIEBER AND A 40 YEAR OLD DX”
To that I say, Amen.
*Followup: It is one week later, and guess what? A new article has popped up:
Obsessed Justin Bieber fans threaten to kill Kim Kardashian
After pint-sized Prince of Pop Justin Bieber tweeted the caption “Look it’s my girlfriend” along with a photo of his cougar crush Kim Kardashian, the temperatures of his already feverish fans went through the roof and they started hunting down the sultry reality star.
“I’m getting death threats from your fans!” Kardashian, 29, wrote to the 16-year-old singing sensation. “This is unBeliebable!!!”
The Ontario-born boy-toy immediately took to the social networking site to urge his fans not to sweat it (literally), assuring the two million followers that he is still the most eligible barely-legal bachelor on the block.
“ladies calm down. @kimkardashian is a friend. a very sexy friend but a friend. no need 4 threats. Let’s all be friends and hang out often “
REALLY, Justin Bieber fans?
I don’t know what’s sadder — The fact that the Justin Bieber fans actually believe that Kim would go out with him, or the fact that all 2 million of Justin Bieber’s fans think that just because he’s single they all have a chance with him.
You know what?
This is the problem with fandoms in general. Fans are so crazy and stupid that they’re happy as long as the person they worship is single.
In my opinion, you can’t call yourself a “Fan” if all you care about is whether the person is single or not.
What happened to supporting someone because of talent?
Why must all the fans interfere with the personal lives of famous people?
Who CARES who they date? I mean, it’s not like Justin Bieber’s ever going to date you.
So yeah. I wish all these stupid fans would just shut up and become sane even for a second. Then they’d realize that Justin Bieber is just a puny boy.
Annie: It’s unBeliebable.