Fun Search Terms for all!

We found some really disturbing search terms you people used to find our epic epic blog.

Frankly, some are terrifying.

Amuse-vous bien, perverts.

Kylie Crotch.

Weed World

waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen (epiiiiiiiiiiic)

women praising god in white gown,

soviet posters best nipples ready to suc (…wut)

Does anyone want to invade sealand

does anyone live on sealand

omegle cyber

mcdonalds in Liechtenstein

vikesland stupid

minor offense on omegle right to remain

weed lover

norwegian jewelry face

emo lion furry art (… HOW)

no flour shocked face

kylie minogue sexy feet

gorillaz polar bear gags

ww2 rape posters

intergalactic zombie jesus (…. whut?)

1950′s baby exploding (o.o)

China fuck

Beyblade porno (whut)

Anime porn dress (whut)

Lady Gaga worship the devil

Boys caught wearing a dress (I want to find who searched that up. Actually, no I don’t.)

poor young teenage latina girl

witch animated porn hay lin (my brain… it hurts)

“joanna strong” lesbian toronto

men will die if you don’t do your part p

avatar the last airbender rape porn (THE HELL)

tentacle rape winx

“communism lesson making necklaces”

victorian dress blowjob

w.i.t.c.h. will bondage

justin bieber’s underwear (…pedo alert.)

fricken fat people (I’m curious as to who searches up fat people.)

shittiest looking mouse (Which post does this pertain to?)

kylie minogue sweaty crotch (ew)

sexy dress “no panty” (ew)

cute lil black boys

german baby eating

Lukas podolski sex

spongebob having sex with patrick

rule 34 south park

fairly odd parents rule 34

jair vega mexico gay

“my little pony” fakies tree symbol bird

kfc korea fucking country

dick of lukas podolski

gladiator heels bondage slave

what is the true gender of fernando torres (I love this search term. I love the searcher. Dear searcher, I would like to contact you and discuss the ambiguous gender issue of Fernando Torres please.)

fuck communism stationary with eagle

Fairly Odd Parents Live Action?

We all know that live action adaptations generally does not go over well, unless they were based off of classic comic books. The only good adaptations were the Dark Knight and Ironman.

After all, who could forget a fiasco like this

I don't even know which joke to pick for this.

And this

I bet this is what started the whole cosplaying thingy.

and of course, the movie disaster of the year…

There are so many things wrong with this image.

So what makes the people at Nickelodeon think that it’s a brilliant idea to turn Fairly Odd Parents, one of the most un-live-actionable cartoons ever into a live action?

http://www.tvguide.com/News/Fairly-Oddparents-Movie-1020888.aspx

And who’s brilliant idea was it to cast DRAKE BELL? Timmy is supposed to be a loser who gets beaten up for being a wimp. Turning him into a 23 year old cheeseface is just… no. Just no.

Because I will always see that guy as the dude from that show that has a band, plays the guitar and gets all the girls.

WHY NICKELODEON, WHY?!

First you cancel Rugrats, then Jimmy Neutron, then Danny Phantom, and then you did a world a favour by renewing Fairly Odd Parents, only to ruin it with this?

TELL US, DAMN YOU!

Edit: they’ve decided to make another show that live actionists can ruin.

Remember Avatar: The Last Airbender?

They’re making a sequel.
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/looks_like_aang.php

It’s going to be steampunk and Aang’s son is going to be in it as an airbending master. It is set 70 years from the last Airbender series.

Not sure if want.

WIN

That is all.

Except this. Have you ever been to http://www.mylifeistwilight.com? Don’t. Your faith in humanity will pummel into the darkest corners of hell, where it will be gnawed upon by Beelzebub himself.

On the Subject of Education…

Since Sarah said in her previous post what I wanted to say for fucking years, I decided to celebrate by posting an essay I submitted.

Grammar sucks. Structure is bleh. But the major things I lost marks on were apparently I was making assumptions.

LIES.

There are no assumptions in this dear teacher.

1. BOOBAH is a toddler’s show in which people in giant creepy multi-coloured blob costumes dance around to trippy lighting and music. They don’t even talk.

2. Yes, the requirement for grade five English is just to write a Thank You card. I was so disappointed in that. I just got out of ESL in grade five, imagine my disappointment.

3. Yes, textbooks are made by idiots. I would link you the source but I’m too tired to go looking for it. In brief, it’s basically taking a bunch of old textbooks, squeezing the juice of it out, and plumping it up again with useless “activities”. And the stupid baking soda + vinegar thing is so overdone. If it’s in a textbook, even as a blurb, it means the writer doesn’t give a shit.

4. Generation X was the baby boomer’s kids. Generation Y is us, the Twilight worshipping, anime gobbling, Justin Bieber loving failures at life. You should know this.

5. I just followed roughly the format of the example essay (which, to be honest, was more of an article than an essay. It sucked ass and if you had to mark it you would have given it a fifty-six. If you didn’t want us to do it like that then you should have told us so. Otherwise the class wouldn’t be so butthurt over the marks.

NOW, ON TO THE ESSAY. Expect terrible grammar and structure because it

had to be done in six hours well two because I was distracted for four.

Oh yeah, persuasive essay by the way.

Substandard Media Impedes Brain Development

The Theory of Evolution proposed by Charles Darwin dictates that given ideal conditions, each generation should be better than the generation that precedes it. This theory had held true for all forms of life on Earth so far – all except for the humans. Even in countries with an abundance of resources for healthy mental development, the general intellect of Generation Y rarely comes up to par with the intellect of Generation X, and even sometimes Generation W. The reason that Generation Y defies the Theory of Evolution to become perhaps be one of the most intellectually challenged generations since the late 1800′s lies with the media and learning materials presented to kids in early childhood.

A study made by Yale University, published by Scientific American concludes that mental development starts at birth, and the first twenty months are crucial not only to a child’s motor and recognition skills, but language development as well. During this window of mental acuity, it is suggested for parents to speak clearly, read to the child, and to include the child in social situations. However, most parents opt for the brain numbing, “age appropriate” activities marketed such as picture books, and “educational” toddler’s television programs to entertain their little bundle of joy. Picture books will have no impact to a child’s mental growth as a child will be unable to grasp the concept of symbols until the age of three. Toddler’s television programs nowadays can be described as highly colourful drug trips – made to entertain with pretty dancing colours, because that is what any TV show will seem like to a toddler’s eyes. Despite claims, these “educational” shows are never made to educate or further brain development. After all, if an adult cannot make sense of “The BooBahs”, how do you expect a toddler to?

The trend with substandard media carries over to books and cartoons as the child grows older. The media continues to compartmentalize the young as unable to grasp complex concepts. Literature, even fairy tales are slowly being phased out of bookshelves in favour of dumbed-down adaptations. TV shows, once so rich in artwork and ideas, are being replaced with slapstick humour. Clever characters such as Bugs Bunny and Dexter that encourages kids to use their brains are replaced with a giggling sponge and a lazy starfish, hardly shining examples of good character. Children gain nothing through these forms of thoughtless media, while quality books and cartoons stays of parents’ grasp with high prices and lack of availability. As a result, the children grows up unable to distinguish work that requires intelligence, and work that the television producers pushed out to make a profit. Time spent learning about the world and bettering themselves are spent tracking the nonsensical adventures of Spongebob and Patrick. Media nowadays, despite all the technological advancements, is decaying in comparison to media as recent as two decades ago in terms of content and promotion of thought. Generation Y is taking the brunt of the blow.

Even during education, children cannot escape the substandard educational materials. Schools are simply not pitting children at their maximum potential. Children are perfectly capable of reading some classic novels, even writing simple short stories at the age of ten, and yet the grade five English curriculum requirement is simply “to know how to write a Thank-You card”. This discourages exploration for further knowledge as a child will get the impression that a Thank-You card is all they will need to know for grade five level English. The schools, thinking along the same lines, will keep the language level in that grade at Thank-You card levels. This makes the more advanced language materials unavailable to the children, therefore hindering the mental development of some of the more advanced children as well as language development of the slower children.

Older students are also victims to poor educational materials, and textbooks are the biggest offenders. Despite what many people assume, textbooks are neither compiled by experts nor well researched. Companies producing textbooks are private businesses, meaning they work not for the betterment of minds, but for profit. As there are very little textbook companies, there are very few cheap options available to the school. The majority of the textbook is filler made to plump up what little actual information is in the textbook. The students using the textbooks will have no choice but to follow through with the degrading childish “practises”, “assignments” and “experiments” in the textbook, with most of them redundantly stating the obvious (What happens when you put baking soda and vinegar together? It bubbles! This is not common knowledge at all!) . This wastes the student’s time, and often drags out a subject longer than it takes to grasp the concept. As brain development is concentrated from birth and peaks at fifteen, time is crucial when it comes to education. More often than not, time runs out for the students before the harder subjects are taught.

Generation Y’s level of intellect is definitely under scrutiny. In a world of artless media and obstructive education, it is a wonder how some of Generation Y are still producing highly intellectual work while the majority are stuck on mediocrity. With brain numbing media discouraging artistic expression and personal thought at home and academically repressive and time wasting educational systems at school, Generation Y’s world only appears mentally nourishing through a careful facade of richness and ease of information availability. Generation Y’s conditions are simply not ideal for mental development, and this is why Generation Y is an outlier in the traditional pattern explained by the Theory of Evolution. Our media and education system forced Generation Y to break the pattern, and became intellectually worse than the preceding generation.

___________________________

*Edit: Sarah here. First of all I would like to say: This didn’t even get over 80? Really?

I think another really big problem with education is that the grade levels don’t mean the level of education that you’re getting. When I first came to Canada, I had around a month of grade five education. I did not know any English whatsoever (I couldn’t understand it when my teacher asked me “where were you born”), and I got a 85% on the grammar test. Seriously. And I’m not even going to talk about math and science. Because I don’t think we even learned any math or science.

Middle school was pretty much the same – really, really (and I mean REALLY) simple English. Basically, if you could write some kind of English, you’re good. It’s perfectly fine if you confuse “there” with “their” and “its” with “it’s”.

And then you go to high school, and suddenly English class is all about “thinking deeply”, “finding symbolism”, and “analyzing the human mind”. The teachers start marking like they’re all menopausal. You start getting shitty marks for “making assumptions”. Suddenly math is force-fed on you in a way that you can’t catch up, and apparently when you go to university it’s only going to feel ten times worse. Even people who do really well in high school end up crashing out of university.

Why is it that education can’t be a gradual thing? Why is it that you learn practically NOTHING for ten years and then suddenly they try to kill you by trying to cram as much information as possible into you in university? It just doesn’t make any sense.

We have to write another essay. There’s no point in even trying anymore, because you know you’ll never get an 80 anyways.

Twilight in the Classrooms — Honestly?

Everyone over 12 years old with a good education knows that Twilight is to literature as McDonald’s fries are to cooking.

But one website is convinced that Twilight, the Mary Sue praising, over dramatizing, intelligence suppressing  pages bound into a what people would passably call a book should be used in classrooms.

http://twilightnovelnovice.com/scholastic-apple/

They even have lesson plans.

This is why I will present you this LIST.

WHY TWILIGHT SHOULD BE CALLED SOFT CORE EROTICA (What Twilight and trashy erotica has in common).

1) Both are written by sexually deprived women.

2) Both has a plot thrown together at the last minute, with no foreshadowing or raising action.

3) Both has a whiny female character as protagonist

4) Both has a “mysterious”, “handsome”, “strong and silent”,  male figure who eventually has sex with the protagonist.

5) Both are enjoyed by preteens and housewives.

6) Both lack proper grammar and style.

7)  Both are cheap.

8) Both involves the main character making stupid decisions (based on LOVE~!) regardless that said decisions will probably get them killed in real life.

9) The protagonist have no other worries outside of their sex love life. Who needs a job or a family anyway?

10) Character development is usually non existent. If it exists, it is never explained how or why.

11) Fans of the book imagine themselves in the protagonist’s place, usually placing a claim on the prominent male figure (“Edward is mine, bitches!”)

12)  If it is adapted into a movie, it will be cheap and crappy. But people will go see it anyway.

13) The men sparkle.

Spain Wins, OLÉ!

PAUL THE MATCH PREDICTING OCTOPUS WAS RIGHT. This was the first sign that this match was not going to go the way expected.

The second sign was that David Villa DIDN’T score a goal.

Image lovingly stolen from Google.

Who, you know, has been scoring in every game Spain played so far.

You know, Torres, if only you grew a goatee.

Then Torres got send off to bench again. Normalcy is restored!

Then the goal was scored by PUYOL.

Image illegally stolen from Facebook.

There is a certain satisfaction when the underdogs win.

This is Annie, official Spain Supporter of NFC. I should be doing my literary essay right now (it’s due tomorrow) but I don’t want to. Screw the essay.

Sure, the Spanish team definitely haven’t been exactly underdogs, but they don’t exactly stand out. Their playing techniques seems almost too “safe” and  they never seem to be after spectacular victories. Just enough? Yeah. That’s the word.

But numbers don’t lie. 50 games, only lost once. *whistle*

I was apprehensive about today’s game. Germany was strong this year with stunning victories and some very impressive plays against the strong countries (Argentina, par example), while Spain grazed by with victories barely over one point.

We were discussing the World Cup in summer school English hell inferno class. Everybody supported Germany in this match. Not one Spain supporter? My ESPAÑA bracelet kinda… glared…

(Don’t ask me how. I could feel waves of heat coming from it. Maybe it was me hallucinating from the heatstroke. 44 degrees with humidex in Toronto today! And I was stuck in a classroom of 30 people with no air conditioning…)

I was supporting Spain (of course), but I had doubts whether they would win. Germany has been very impressive this year, but Spain has been very steady. It was almost as if the two teams switched personalities — Germany with its aggressive, passionate  (but nevertheless effective) attacks, and Spain with it’s calculating little passes and careful maneuvering.

Throughout the tournament, Spain has been making pretty little webs on the field with their passes, dominating the possession in all games. It was a very safe method. Although it made for some frustrating games, it narrowed the chances of the opposing team scoring.

Their forwards are slightly lacking aim though. Torres is useless, and the rest of them have a weird tendency of aiming OVER the net.

But the German forwards are freakishly efficient.

So when people asked me who do I think will win, I answered that it would be nice that Spain won, but their chances were limited. Germany has been very impressive. I was afraid that I would get attacked.

One friend wouldn’t stop talking about why Germany would win, and another, in tears, almost choked me when I said I was happy that Spain won the Spain vs Portugal game.

So when I got home, checked the scores, I squee’d like a fangirl. Then laughed at how Torres was benched. Again.

Spain will face off against the Netherlands for the cup on Sunday.

Thank you Spain, you have made Inigo Montoya very proud, very proud indeed <3.

One more thing: Come on, people, why so glum? It’s just a game. Sure I may feel like choking Torres every now and then, but that’s only because his face demands it. The number of BAWW’ing Portugal supporters are phenomenal. Can’t you be happy for other teams? Get over it, be happy and finish the games in good spirits, m’kay? It might be an international event, but it’s still just a game. And all you fans aren’t even the players. It’s entertainment. You might get attached to the players/team/nationalism/whatever, but it’s not as if they died. They’ll be alive and kicking next season.

World Cup and sporting events will only have a huge impact on your life if you allow it to.

EDIT: I’ve been told that apparently support between Spain and Germany were kind of equal. I don’t know about if that’s true or not. I spotted more German flags than Spanish ones, but maybe that’s just because I’ve been driving around Oakville? Portugal flags outnumbered them all, even in Korea-town.

On a happier note, I will close this post with a GIF of Spain’s goal keeper Castillas.

Happily stolen from a GIF spam forum.

How Stupid Do You Think People Are, Yahoo! ?

Quick post today from Annie.

So I was glancing at the headlines on Yahoo!, because even if their “headlines” are mostly garbage, it’s still news.

So passing through some posts about the health benefits of nuts (every. DAY. There’s at least one article about nuts, raisins and eggs everyday.), how Jessica Simpson looks good/bad in a dress, I stumbled upon this headline for the article.

Cristiano Ronaldo Has a Baby

Caption: Doesn’t Know Who the Mother is.

Okay first: Who cares.

Second “Doesn’t know who the mother is”?! HOW. It’s coming out of the woman! Unless her face and larynx is severely marred, how the hell could he not know who she is?

The way the headlines made it out, it sounds like Ronaldo’s the one giving birth.

That would be hilarious.

But either way, that headline and caption is a cheap, cheap, stupid way to get views.

EDIT: Completely unrelated, but I am SO watching this movie: The Killer Tongue

Portugal vs Brazil, Spain vs Chile

I won’t lie. I got up at ten, went back to sleep, watched the game, and went back to sleep again. I sleep a lot.

SO NOW YOU KNOW WHY I AM LATE WITH THIS.

So today (well… yesterday by now…) was the last group games. After this is just the all mighty 16 teams that will compete for the awesome world cup and be crown football champions and be adored and fantasy-raped by fans all over the world.

Ahem.

So the games were Portugal vs Brazil and Spain vs Chile.

Portugal vs Brazil was very anticipated. Two of the strongest teams, and facing off already. GROUP OF DEATH, MAN! But seeing as North Korea got kicked off of Group G and Ivory Coast being Ivory Coast, their advance was pretty much guaranteed.

The entire game was a huge stall, basically. Both teams were aiming for a tie, which they got. 0-0.

The highlight of the game for most people was the slow motion shot of Cristiano Ronaldo’s ass.

It’s about two seconds in.

http://www.cbc.ca/video/#/FIFA/Post Game Show/ID=1530173394

Although I do think he’s some sort of cream puff that’s only there for the fangirls, but I have to admit that it was a nice ass.

That’s probably why he was “Man of the Match”, despite being entirely useless. Butts > Usefulness, every time.

Nothing much to say about the match. None of the players really tried.

Now, the Spain vs Chile match –

David Villa is the new hero of the Spain.

DISCO-!

He scored the most goals in the tournament by far. When he goes home, he will be graced with many product endorsements, a bull, and as many women (or men) as he can carry.

Many people are coming into the conclusion that Villa is better than Torres. There is no doubt, for reasons that will be explored in an up coming essay. To quoeth CIBC post match analysis:

Villa is one of the game’s truly undervalued talents. For years he’s toiled at Valencia, quietly scoring goals for fun and going about his business, while more high-profile contemporaries, such as Fernando Torres, stole all the headlines.

But Villa, who has signed to play with FC Barcelona at the start of the new Spanish season this summer, is the true star of this team, carrying the offensive burden squarely on his shoulders and outshining the ineffective Torres.

The future Barcelona star is now Spain’s all-time leading scorer at the World Cup, with six goals, and his 41 goals in 61 appearances in international play is the envy of the strikers around the world, Torres included.

“carrying the offensive burden squarely on his shoulders and outshining the ineffective Torres.”

I might be tapping into Kim Jon Il’s magical mind wave powers, because that was exactly what I thought.

The first goal:

Major goalie fail on the Chilean side.

There were no players on the entire half of the pitch.  What the heck was the goalie thinking? Stay in your net! It wasn’t as if that shot was impossible to deflect. The goalie was halfway up the field. Failfailfail. Even worse than the English goalie. At least he caught the ball. Sort of.

Speaking of which, where were the defenders? Why are they halfway up the field? That’s why you have mid-fielders, damn it!

Amazing kick on Villa’s part, I have to admit. He aimed it over a distance of 40 metres. FORTY. AND IT WENT IN. That’s what she said And we all know how “inaccurate” the new ball is.

Second goal: It was a combination of a good shot, a distraction, a yellow card and… I don’t know really. While it wasn’t a giant clusterfuck in front of the net (hi Denmark), it certainly wasn’t straight forward.

And what is the said distraction? A pretty little lady named Fernando Torres.

Ain’t he pretty?

I can’t find a video, but I’ll explain it as simply as possible.

The ball is passed. The players race towards the Chilean net. Referee races after the players, eye on the strikers.

Torres and Estrada runs towards the net on the opposite side.

Torres trips over his own feet. Falls.

Estrada was like “whut” for a second but keeps going. The three defenders line sparsely outside of the net. Torres remains faceplanted onto the ground.

Ball is passed to Andres Iniesta.  He shoots. Torres is still faceplanted.

The defenders are half confused as to why there is a lady lying in the middle of the field distracted by Torres’s still form. The ball goes into the net.

Celebration on the Spanish side. Torres gets some medical attention for his ovaries.

Estrada of Chile gets a second yellow card and is sent off.

So that’s how the second goal happened. You could say that the Spanish team took advantage of Torres’s womanly distraction powers (so that’s why he’s still on the team!),  but you had to admit that it was a great shot. Even if the defence wasn’t distracted, they wouldn’t be able to save it in time.

I swear to God that Torres fell at least five times while he was on the field. Actually, it seemed that every 10 seconds, a Spanish player fell. Torres being the one falling the most. Or maybe that’s just because the camera focuses on him a lot. Either way, Torres you big girl. Stop getting bullied and grow a pair. PLEASE.

Estrada (of Chile).

This guy.

What can I say about him. Other than I like that he still has a mullet.

He shouldn’t have gotten a second yellow card. Well actually he should. But not because Torres fell but for shoving Iniesta before that. Torres falling is still up for debate, but shoving Iniesta was very obvious.

He also plays the dirtiest of all players. Either that, or all of the referees are all really really biased against him. He’s got the most cards out of anybody in this tournament so far, and there were a lot of slow motion shots of him shoving the other players.

The referee did seem to give out less cards after he was sent off…

In the first half, the referee handed out a lot of cards and free kicks and whatever.  In the second half, he barely interfered. It was weird. Referees are strange people. Let the players play, damnit!

So there. Half time, Torres limped off the field to tend to his menstrual cramps.

Chile made a comeback with a goal by Rodrigo Millar about two minutes into the second half.  It was a beautiful goal, mostly because it wasn’t a weird clusterfuck. I think the Spanish defence was stunned by how quickly they bounced back.

There was this one free kick that Villa mussed up badly. It sailed about three metres over the net. I facepalmed.

They continued playing, but neither team really tried at that point. Especially the last ten minutes, which consisted of  La Roja idly passing the ball between themselves.

SO IN SHORT:

Spain: Nice to see that they got their defences back in line, but it seems as if they lost some balls when they lost to Switzerland. Their attacks are careful, and rarely was there any risks taken. It seemed that they just wanted to keep a low profile and win (but not win spectacularly).  Well, better safe than sorry, I guess?

Another observation is that they play incredibly clean games. I don’t think they’ve received a single card in any of the games played so far. Well I guess with the referees they usually train with back home… (HINT: It’s the referee that handed out SEVEN yellow cards and a red card in one match. He is already on his way of becoming a running joke.)

And, as I said in the last post

PLEASE AIM INTO THE NET, NOT OVER IT.

Chile: Needs to attack more. An overall very good team. There is a slight lack of cooperation at times, but it is a minor hindrance. And Estrada — stop shoving people. It’s not subtle at all. My prediction is that they will go into the quarter finals.

That’s it for today, I think. In the future, look for some dashing new reviews about Eurovision, Toy Story 3, and an essay about the ambiguous gender of a certain player (who will remain nameless).

Fandoms and its Stupidity

C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

Are we all tired of the FIFA posts yet? No? Yes? No?

…

Have this post anyway.

WARNING: FANDOM BASHING AHEAD. IF YOU ARE A SELF PROCLAIMED HARDCORE FANGIRL, LEAVE NOW.

 Also, don't click on the links unless you plan on sleeping tonight. It links
to TVTropes, one of the most addicting sites to fans ever made.

I haven’t been in many fandoms, because I don’t usually like things that has a fandom attached to it. As we on NFC have said so many times before, fangirls are fucking scary.

But I lurk (okay, not exactly lurk) on Deviantart (because I’m terrified of Livejournal), I noticed many things about fandoms. Perhaps this can be counted as a sociology study…?

(Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. I never read/watched some of the examples I gave, I just observed the fandom. And some I stole directly from TVtropes.)

GENERAL

If the said product has a continuous plot, the number of attractive male characters is directly proportional to the female members in the fandom. (Loveless, Yu-Gi-Oh!)

If the product has no continuous plot, the breast size of female characters is directly proportional to the male members in the fandom. (Most marvel comics, wrestling and fighting games)

There will always be more female fans than male fans. Unless it is sports. Even then, the female fans are more vocal about it. We assume this is because the male fans show their appreciation for the team by beating the living shit out of the opposing team. (Canadians and hockey.)

The more ‘goffick’ it is, the more female fans it will have. (Death Note, Vampire Knight, Twilight, Grim Tales, Tim Burton in general, My Chemical Romance … ETC.)

There will always be a loud, annoying part of the fandom that makes the product their life. They will plaster whatever they’re being fans of everywhere, and associate everything you say to the fandom somehow. (Harry Potter, The Office, Hetalia)

Conversely, there will be a small percentage of mature fans, who immediately become immature upon meeting their annoying counterparts. They will always complain that the loud annoying fans ruins the fandom’s image. Self righteous indignation is imminent. (Just about everything.)

If the product is meant for mature audiences only, the fandom will consist mostly of 13 year olds. (South Park, Dexter)

The more popular the product is, the dumber the fans.

SHIPPING

There will be shippers.

There will be shippers who ship the strangest things.

 

SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD WHAT IS THIS I DONT EVEN--

 

 

There are no depths to which shippers won’t sink. Age difference, marital status, gender, orientation, incest and species means nothing.

There will be shippers who ships objects (Sarah knows where this is coming from. : |) . Ramped up to 11 because in some cases this is TRUE. Take the manga The Female Fridge for example. It’s about a fridge who falls in love with it’s owner. No I am not joking. Read it for yourself here. (Warning: nudity. And general WTFness.)

Shipping real people is very normal, apparently. (PetexPatrick, from Falloutboy)

 

 

I wonder what Ashlee Simpson thinks of this.

 

If the product is animated, there will always be more Ho Yay and Foe Yay shippers than Hetero Yay shippers. Always. Disney is the only exception.

The Official Couple, if there is one, will always be regarded as boring. Unless it is “When a Jerk Loves A Tsundere” (EVERYTHING.)

If there is a definite villain, there will be shippers who will twist the villain’s opposition of the main character into UST. This is called Foe Yay. (Most obviously, RobinxSlade from Teen Titans and LightxL from Death Note )

If one character is abusive to another, it is UST. (ie. MeikoxKaito from Vocaloid)

If one character tries to kill another, it is UST.

If one character is best friends with another character, there is UST very deep down. (StanxKyle from South Park. It is very disturbing and borders on pedo.)

If there are twins, they will be shipped. Urgh. (FredxGeorge from Harry Potter, LenxRin from Vocaloid, AlfredxMatthew and FelicianoxLovino from Hetalia)

 

Fred and George. Yes, from Harry Potter. I hope whoever drew this is at least fifteen.

In the eyes of the fandom, even the most depraved of villains can love. They just need that one person to melt his/her cold cold heart… or something.

Shipping wars exist, and is mostly carried out by the annoying/loud part of the fandom. (Zutara vs Katang the most obvious, from Avatar the Last Airbender). They can get very intense.

 

Even the characters fear it.

 

 

Ships gets names. Sometimes its an acronym (Harry Potter ship names – ie. HH, MWPP, HG), sometimes it is a combination of the shipped names (Avatar and South Park ship names – ie Zutara, Creek), and sometimes it is just “shipping” attached to the end of a symbolic word (Pokemon and YuGiOh ship names — Just look at the long lists. Sometimes I wonder people pair the characters up just for the ship name)

 

This is called Dildoshipping. I am serious. Just check the Pokemon ship list.

 

FANWORKS

 

This.

 

 

There will be fanworks. Some are amazing, some will hurt your soul. Most will hurt your soul.

In fandoms with a mostly 12-15 base, there will be some badly written/drawn porn.

In fandoms with an older base, most, if not all fanworks are better written/drawn porn.

In fandoms with a mostly 6-10 base, there will still be porn from some of the older fans. It is VERY disturbing, and Disney is NOT an exception to this.

The above three points can be summarized by Rule 34.

If the product is animated, there will always be fanart in bishonen manga style, regardless of how realistic/hideous/cartoon-y it is originally. Disney is the only exception. (South Park, Fairly Odd Parents, Futurama, SPONGEBOB – Just look on DeviantArt.)

Have some brain burning. Both are Spongebob fanart.

 

This is why there's a warning at the top of the page.

 

Spongebob Shota pants. Apparently.

 

If product is Japanese, prepare for terrible abuse of Japanese honorifics, colloquial speech, and occasional bouts of “kawaii yo desu!” “SUGOOOOOI” “SUPALASHI DESU NE??????” and “BAKAAAAAAA!”

Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, and Harry Potter can and will be crossed over with anything.

 

 

Invader Zim. They did it.

YOUNGER FANS

Younger fans will attempt to look more mature by adding ‘shading’ in their artwork. It never works.

 

This applies to some older fans too

 

In younger fandoms, it is customary for every fan to have at least one original character fiction.

Long winded descriptions of appearance can be expected.

The character’s name is never repeated twice. They will always replace it with some sort of noun with a tacked on adjective (ie: the overly excitable brunette replied; the socially oppressed girl sighed etc.). Sometimes the fans crank it up to eleven by making up words. For example, to describe a white haired pretty boy, many have adopted the words “Whitenette” or “Silverette”. BARF.

Crack sounds like DADA-ist art – not funny, nonsensical.

High School AUs resembles chick flicks. There is always a new student. There is always an exchange student. There is always a Libby. There is always a dance.

Typically, fan fictions starts off with the protagonist shutting off the alarm clock, having their morning routine, family, and friends described in excruciating detail, going to school, small talk with their friends and crashing into the love of their life while late to biology (always biology, somehow). Then they find out that they have every class together or something.

“Ask ______!” is always popular, usually with the main character horribly exaggerated and actions written in * asterisks *

Common Fanfiction names : The Outcast. The New Girl. The Chosen One. When Worlds Collide. The Beginning of Our End. Forbidden Romance. 10 Things I Hate About You. Anything ripped off of Shakespeare’s comedies.

Everything has something to do with romance.

OLDER FANS

Everything has something to do with sex.

Fluff isn’t fluff. It is a triple shot of pure melted sugar mixed in with spray-on cheese and hydrochloric acid. You will burn through your intestines and get severe diabetes.

Insanity is a common topic. This allows for cliche “experimental” character analysis.

As is rape. For the angst.

“Slice of life” fictions are also favoured to make the writer look smart.

Most older fans are too lazy to think up plots, so they stick to oneshots. The ones that do are hailed as Gods.

The fans will mock the younger ones by throwing every cliche they can think of in one of the “this is a typical _______ fan fiction” fan fictions.

Common Fanfiction Names: (insert pretty sounding noun with symbolic meaning here) and (insert pretty sounding noun with symbolic meaning here). Exactly what it says on the tin. Song lyrics/poems/excerpts from famous books. Qoutes.

If the characters belong in a team or has an underlying characteristic that ties them together, the fans will come up with a slew of original characters that fits into this. (Sailor Moon, WITCH, Tokyo Mew Mew, Winx, every ‘magic girl’ series that ever existed. Ever. And Vocaloid.)

Heres a link to a bunch of Vocaloid OC’s.

 

THIS IS AN EVER GROWING LIST. BE SURE TO CHECK BACK FOR MORE CLICHÉ FAN BASHING SOON!!

France Has Been Eliminated.

I repeat, France has been eliminated.

The ex-semi-finalist HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

The original painting depicted victims of a sinking ship succumbing to disease sickness and hunger on a raft. Bonjour Les Bleus, comment ca va?

France finished in last place on group A with only one point. Uruguay leads the group now with seven points.

The teams eliminated so far are Cameroon, North Korea, and Honduras.

Right now the favorites to win are:

Brazil at number 1 (as always)

Argentina at 2

Spain at 3 (\o/)

Portugal at 4

Netherlands at 5

England at 6

Was anybody really surprised that France was eliminated? With an imcompetent coach, a team that strikes and can’t cooperate, brutal sending off of players… They lost to China in a friendly match. China. The team that hasn’t beaten friggin Korea for three decades.

Oh by the way, let’s look at how they qualified for South Africa, shall we?

So in their little qualifying group, there is Serbia (22), Austria (14), Lithuania(12), Romania(12) and the Faroe Islands–wut. Faroe Islands has a team? It’s not even a country — (4(!))

Out of 10 games,

Won: 6 (Lithuania 1:0, Faroe Islands (1:0, 5:0 it’s a bunch of tiny little islands what did you expect), Austria (3:1))

Tied:  3 (With Romania. Both games. Oh yeah and Serbia)

Lost: 1 (To Austria. By 3:1. Failfailfail. To give they credit they also beat Austria by 3:1, so really it was more of a tie.)

If we count the games against Austria as a tie, then the teams they really won against are only Lithuania and Faroe Islands. The Lithuanian team probably arrived drunk and commited suicide after the first game (Yes I deserve to be shot for that, but hey at least I didn’t make fun of their basketball. That’s sacred territory), allowing France to win. And Faroe Islands…

Look it up on a globe. I dare you. It’s smaller than Hawaii. Hell it’s smaller than the Aluettian islands. I think it’s even smaller than Micronesia.  If France doesn’t win against the Faroe Islands they will be shamed forever. Faroe Islands isn’t even in Eurovision. I mean come on. That’s like losing t0 Liechtenstien.

No wait thats worse than losing against Liechtenstien. At least Liechtenstien has country status.

So obviously France and Serbia qualified. Well, Serbia did. France had to do some playoff matches. Let’s see how that went.

France Vs Ireland

on  Nov 14th 1:0

on Nov 18th 1:1

Okay sooo it was iffy.

*Edit: France’s goal in that last game vs. Ireland was a hand ball. The scorer, Thierry Henry, admitted later on that he used his arms to control the ball. This is why Ireland was so outraged — without this goal, Ireland could have qualified for the World Cup. It would have been so much better if Ireland qualified.

The only reason people really supported France was patriotism and the last FIFA. Guess that doesn’t work when all the players have changed, and the coach turns into an asshole.

Raymond Domenech just gives off that evil vibe, doesn’t he? First time I saw him giving a statement, my first thought was that he was evil.

Yes. Eliminating France seems about right.

France must be exploding by now. Football is to the French as hockey to Canadians. Those wine drinking bastards are fierce about it if nothing else. As soon as the players go home, I bet they’ll be besieged by a very angry, very French mob. Pelted with cheese.

*shotshotshot*

Never should have watched Emily (French equivalent of Canadian Bacon, which by the way is an awesome movie and all you hosers should watch it).

Now all they need is for Spain to lose and the Western Europe will be a giant sob-fest. I bet they’ll have a border sob-fest party with their brothers-in-FIFA-fail. Throw England and Italy in there too, sure, because why the hell not. Italy hasn’t exactly been performing well and England is tying every game they have.

Jus kidding. I don’t want Spain to lose. Inigo Montoya won’t allow it. He’s like the Spanish version of Chuck Norris. And if he won’t allow it, it won’t happen.