Spain Wins, OLÉ!

PAUL THE MATCH PREDICTING OCTOPUS WAS RIGHT. This was the first sign that this match was not going to go the way expected.

The second sign was that David Villa DIDN’T score a goal.

Image lovingly stolen from Google.

Who, you know, has been scoring in every game Spain played so far.

You know, Torres, if only you grew a goatee.

Then Torres got send off to bench again. Normalcy is restored!

Then the goal was scored by PUYOL.

Image illegally stolen from Facebook.

There is a certain satisfaction when the underdogs win.

This is Annie, official Spain Supporter of NFC. I should be doing my literary essay right now (it’s due tomorrow) but I don’t want to. Screw the essay.

Sure, the Spanish team definitely haven’t been exactly underdogs, but they don’t exactly stand out. Their playing techniques seems almost too “safe” and  they never seem to be after spectacular victories. Just enough? Yeah. That’s the word.

But numbers don’t lie. 50 games, only lost once. *whistle*

I was apprehensive about today’s game. Germany was strong this year with stunning victories and some very impressive plays against the strong countries (Argentina, par example), while Spain grazed by with victories barely over one point.

We were discussing the World Cup in summer school English hell inferno class. Everybody supported Germany in this match. Not one Spain supporter? My ESPAÑA bracelet kinda… glared…

(Don’t ask me how. I could feel waves of heat coming from it. Maybe it was me hallucinating from the heatstroke. 44 degrees with humidex in Toronto today! And I was stuck in a classroom of 30 people with no air conditioning…)

I was supporting Spain (of course), but I had doubts whether they would win. Germany has been very impressive this year, but Spain has been very steady. It was almost as if the two teams switched personalities — Germany with its aggressive, passionate  (but nevertheless effective) attacks, and Spain with it’s calculating little passes and careful maneuvering.

Throughout the tournament, Spain has been making pretty little webs on the field with their passes, dominating the possession in all games. It was a very safe method. Although it made for some frustrating games, it narrowed the chances of the opposing team scoring.

Their forwards are slightly lacking aim though. Torres is useless, and the rest of them have a weird tendency of aiming OVER the net.

But the German forwards are freakishly efficient.

So when people asked me who do I think will win, I answered that it would be nice that Spain won, but their chances were limited. Germany has been very impressive. I was afraid that I would get attacked.

One friend wouldn’t stop talking about why Germany would win, and another, in tears, almost choked me when I said I was happy that Spain won the Spain vs Portugal game.

So when I got home, checked the scores, I squee’d like a fangirl. Then laughed at how Torres was benched. Again.

Spain will face off against the Netherlands for the cup on Sunday.

Thank you Spain, you have made Inigo Montoya very proud, very proud indeed <3.

One more thing: Come on, people, why so glum? It’s just a game. Sure I may feel like choking Torres every now and then, but that’s only because his face demands it. The number of BAWW’ing Portugal supporters are phenomenal. Can’t you be happy for other teams? Get over it, be happy and finish the games in good spirits, m’kay? It might be an international event, but it’s still just a game. And all you fans aren’t even the players. It’s entertainment. You might get attached to the players/team/nationalism/whatever, but it’s not as if they died. They’ll be alive and kicking next season.

World Cup and sporting events will only have a huge impact on your life if you allow it to.

EDIT: I’ve been told that apparently support between Spain and Germany were kind of equal. I don’t know about if that’s true or not. I spotted more German flags than Spanish ones, but maybe that’s just because I’ve been driving around Oakville? Portugal flags outnumbered them all, even in Korea-town.

On a happier note, I will close this post with a GIF of Spain’s goal keeper Castillas.

Happily stolen from a GIF spam forum.

Portugal vs Brazil, Spain vs Chile

I won’t lie. I got up at ten, went back to sleep, watched the game, and went back to sleep again. I sleep a lot.

SO NOW YOU KNOW WHY I AM LATE WITH THIS.

So today (well… yesterday by now…) was the last group games. After this is just the all mighty 16 teams that will compete for the awesome world cup and be crown football champions and be adored and fantasy-raped by fans all over the world.

Ahem.

So the games were Portugal vs Brazil and Spain vs Chile.

Portugal vs Brazil was very anticipated. Two of the strongest teams, and facing off already. GROUP OF DEATH, MAN! But seeing as North Korea got kicked off of Group G and Ivory Coast being Ivory Coast, their advance was pretty much guaranteed.

The entire game was a huge stall, basically. Both teams were aiming for a tie, which they got. 0-0.

The highlight of the game for most people was the slow motion shot of Cristiano Ronaldo’s ass.

It’s about two seconds in.

http://www.cbc.ca/video/#/FIFA/Post Game Show/ID=1530173394

Although I do think he’s some sort of cream puff that’s only there for the fangirls, but I have to admit that it was a nice ass.

That’s probably why he was “Man of the Match”, despite being entirely useless. Butts > Usefulness, every time.

Nothing much to say about the match. None of the players really tried.

Now, the Spain vs Chile match –

David Villa is the new hero of the Spain.

DISCO-!

He scored the most goals in the tournament by far. When he goes home, he will be graced with many product endorsements, a bull, and as many women (or men) as he can carry.

Many people are coming into the conclusion that Villa is better than Torres. There is no doubt, for reasons that will be explored in an up coming essay. To quoeth CIBC post match analysis:

Villa is one of the game’s truly undervalued talents. For years he’s toiled at Valencia, quietly scoring goals for fun and going about his business, while more high-profile contemporaries, such as Fernando Torres, stole all the headlines.

But Villa, who has signed to play with FC Barcelona at the start of the new Spanish season this summer, is the true star of this team, carrying the offensive burden squarely on his shoulders and outshining the ineffective Torres.

The future Barcelona star is now Spain’s all-time leading scorer at the World Cup, with six goals, and his 41 goals in 61 appearances in international play is the envy of the strikers around the world, Torres included.

“carrying the offensive burden squarely on his shoulders and outshining the ineffective Torres.”

I might be tapping into Kim Jon Il’s magical mind wave powers, because that was exactly what I thought.

The first goal:

Major goalie fail on the Chilean side.

There were no players on the entire half of the pitch.  What the heck was the goalie thinking? Stay in your net! It wasn’t as if that shot was impossible to deflect. The goalie was halfway up the field. Failfailfail. Even worse than the English goalie. At least he caught the ball. Sort of.

Speaking of which, where were the defenders? Why are they halfway up the field? That’s why you have mid-fielders, damn it!

Amazing kick on Villa’s part, I have to admit. He aimed it over a distance of 40 metres. FORTY. AND IT WENT IN. That’s what she said And we all know how “inaccurate” the new ball is.

Second goal: It was a combination of a good shot, a distraction, a yellow card and… I don’t know really. While it wasn’t a giant clusterfuck in front of the net (hi Denmark), it certainly wasn’t straight forward.

And what is the said distraction? A pretty little lady named Fernando Torres.

Ain’t he pretty?

I can’t find a video, but I’ll explain it as simply as possible.

The ball is passed. The players race towards the Chilean net. Referee races after the players, eye on the strikers.

Torres and Estrada runs towards the net on the opposite side.

Torres trips over his own feet. Falls.

Estrada was like “whut” for a second but keeps going. The three defenders line sparsely outside of the net. Torres remains faceplanted onto the ground.

Ball is passed to Andres Iniesta.  He shoots. Torres is still faceplanted.

The defenders are half confused as to why there is a lady lying in the middle of the field distracted by Torres’s still form. The ball goes into the net.

Celebration on the Spanish side. Torres gets some medical attention for his ovaries.

Estrada of Chile gets a second yellow card and is sent off.

So that’s how the second goal happened. You could say that the Spanish team took advantage of Torres’s womanly distraction powers (so that’s why he’s still on the team!),  but you had to admit that it was a great shot. Even if the defence wasn’t distracted, they wouldn’t be able to save it in time.

I swear to God that Torres fell at least five times while he was on the field. Actually, it seemed that every 10 seconds, a Spanish player fell. Torres being the one falling the most. Or maybe that’s just because the camera focuses on him a lot. Either way, Torres you big girl. Stop getting bullied and grow a pair. PLEASE.

Estrada (of Chile).

This guy.

What can I say about him. Other than I like that he still has a mullet.

He shouldn’t have gotten a second yellow card. Well actually he should. But not because Torres fell but for shoving Iniesta before that. Torres falling is still up for debate, but shoving Iniesta was very obvious.

He also plays the dirtiest of all players. Either that, or all of the referees are all really really biased against him. He’s got the most cards out of anybody in this tournament so far, and there were a lot of slow motion shots of him shoving the other players.

The referee did seem to give out less cards after he was sent off…

In the first half, the referee handed out a lot of cards and free kicks and whatever.  In the second half, he barely interfered. It was weird. Referees are strange people. Let the players play, damnit!

So there. Half time, Torres limped off the field to tend to his menstrual cramps.

Chile made a comeback with a goal by Rodrigo Millar about two minutes into the second half.  It was a beautiful goal, mostly because it wasn’t a weird clusterfuck. I think the Spanish defence was stunned by how quickly they bounced back.

There was this one free kick that Villa mussed up badly. It sailed about three metres over the net. I facepalmed.

They continued playing, but neither team really tried at that point. Especially the last ten minutes, which consisted of  La Roja idly passing the ball between themselves.

SO IN SHORT:

Spain: Nice to see that they got their defences back in line, but it seems as if they lost some balls when they lost to Switzerland. Their attacks are careful, and rarely was there any risks taken. It seemed that they just wanted to keep a low profile and win (but not win spectacularly).  Well, better safe than sorry, I guess?

Another observation is that they play incredibly clean games. I don’t think they’ve received a single card in any of the games played so far. Well I guess with the referees they usually train with back home… (HINT: It’s the referee that handed out SEVEN yellow cards and a red card in one match. He is already on his way of becoming a running joke.)

And, as I said in the last post

PLEASE AIM INTO THE NET, NOT OVER IT.

Chile: Needs to attack more. An overall very good team. There is a slight lack of cooperation at times, but it is a minor hindrance. And Estrada — stop shoving people. It’s not subtle at all. My prediction is that they will go into the quarter finals.

That’s it for today, I think. In the future, look for some dashing new reviews about Eurovision, Toy Story 3, and an essay about the ambiguous gender of a certain player (who will remain nameless).

France Has Been Eliminated.

I repeat, France has been eliminated.

The ex-semi-finalist HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

The original painting depicted victims of a sinking ship succumbing to disease sickness and hunger on a raft. Bonjour Les Bleus, comment ca va?

France finished in last place on group A with only one point. Uruguay leads the group now with seven points.

The teams eliminated so far are Cameroon, North Korea, and Honduras.

Right now the favorites to win are:

Brazil at number 1 (as always)

Argentina at 2

Spain at 3 (\o/)

Portugal at 4

Netherlands at 5

England at 6

Was anybody really surprised that France was eliminated? With an imcompetent coach, a team that strikes and can’t cooperate, brutal sending off of players… They lost to China in a friendly match. China. The team that hasn’t beaten friggin Korea for three decades.

Oh by the way, let’s look at how they qualified for South Africa, shall we?

So in their little qualifying group, there is Serbia (22), Austria (14), Lithuania(12), Romania(12) and the Faroe Islands–wut. Faroe Islands has a team? It’s not even a country — (4(!))

Out of 10 games,

Won: 6 (Lithuania 1:0, Faroe Islands (1:0, 5:0 it’s a bunch of tiny little islands what did you expect), Austria (3:1))

Tied:  3 (With Romania. Both games. Oh yeah and Serbia)

Lost: 1 (To Austria. By 3:1. Failfailfail. To give they credit they also beat Austria by 3:1, so really it was more of a tie.)

If we count the games against Austria as a tie, then the teams they really won against are only Lithuania and Faroe Islands. The Lithuanian team probably arrived drunk and commited suicide after the first game (Yes I deserve to be shot for that, but hey at least I didn’t make fun of their basketball. That’s sacred territory), allowing France to win. And Faroe Islands…

Look it up on a globe. I dare you. It’s smaller than Hawaii. Hell it’s smaller than the Aluettian islands. I think it’s even smaller than Micronesia.  If France doesn’t win against the Faroe Islands they will be shamed forever. Faroe Islands isn’t even in Eurovision. I mean come on. That’s like losing t0 Liechtenstien.

No wait thats worse than losing against Liechtenstien. At least Liechtenstien has country status.

So obviously France and Serbia qualified. Well, Serbia did. France had to do some playoff matches. Let’s see how that went.

France Vs Ireland

on  Nov 14th 1:0

on Nov 18th 1:1

Okay sooo it was iffy.

*Edit: France’s goal in that last game vs. Ireland was a hand ball. The scorer, Thierry Henry, admitted later on that he used his arms to control the ball. This is why Ireland was so outraged — without this goal, Ireland could have qualified for the World Cup. It would have been so much better if Ireland qualified.

The only reason people really supported France was patriotism and the last FIFA. Guess that doesn’t work when all the players have changed, and the coach turns into an asshole.

Raymond Domenech just gives off that evil vibe, doesn’t he? First time I saw him giving a statement, my first thought was that he was evil.

Yes. Eliminating France seems about right.

France must be exploding by now. Football is to the French as hockey to Canadians. Those wine drinking bastards are fierce about it if nothing else. As soon as the players go home, I bet they’ll be besieged by a very angry, very French mob. Pelted with cheese.

*shotshotshot*

Never should have watched Emily (French equivalent of Canadian Bacon, which by the way is an awesome movie and all you hosers should watch it).

Now all they need is for Spain to lose and the Western Europe will be a giant sob-fest. I bet they’ll have a border sob-fest party with their brothers-in-FIFA-fail. Throw England and Italy in there too, sure, because why the hell not. Italy hasn’t exactly been performing well and England is tying every game they have.

Jus kidding. I don’t want Spain to lose. Inigo Montoya won’t allow it. He’s like the Spanish version of Chuck Norris. And if he won’t allow it, it won’t happen.

Could it be the end of the 2nd round already?

As of the end of today, the first two rounds of the group matches are officially over in the World Cup.

Oh no! How did it go by so fast? Could 32 matches have been already played?

Although I shouldn’t complain, because every single day was exciting and dramatic. I almost couldn’t even keep up with the amount of hilarity.

Alright, onwards!

Italy: I hope you’re having pasta miserably right now.

You’re the defending World Cup champions! The Azzurri! (Or however you spell it) Four-time World Cup champions!

And I don’t know why this has anything to do with anything, but you produce some of the prettiest footballers ever!

Here be proof!

But your match against New Zealand was so not pretty.

• New Zealand scored in the 7th minute of the match.

• Yes, that’s right. SEVENTH MINUTE.

• And the only goal Italy “scored” was a penalty kick.

*sputters*

• Italy is ranked 5th in the world.
• New Zealand is ranked 78th in the world.

…And New Zealand scored in the seventh minute. Whereas you could only score through a penalty.

Okay, I know, I know, didn’t Spain lose to Switzerland and Germany Serbia? Not to mention how France lost against Mexico! Italy didn’t even lose!

But that’s a bad argument, because:

1. Spain and Germany lost to fellow European teams, and in general most European teams are pretty strong: Switzerland is ranked 24th in the world, and Serbia 15th.
2. Whereas the Asian and Oceania teams are generally considered weaker teams: See how Germany was able to kick Australia’s butt, and Australia is actually ranked 20th in the world (as compared to New Zealand’s 78th)?
3. Are we actually comparing with France now?
4. HA.
5. France just SUCKS this year, okay? If you compare to that, then you have no pride.

Speaking of how France sucks:

• France go into meltdown
• France’s campaign falling apart
• French imploding as players refuse to practice

…Mon Dieu. That sounds like a giant mess that I don’t even want to know about.

Looks like the French players are honouring the proud French tradition of striking

STRIKKEEEE!!!!!

Here be Italy vs. New Zealand highlights:

Sorry, FIFA blocked CBC’s Youtube highlights, so we have to make do with a link.

Moving on.

Brazil vs. Ivory Coast:

Alright, Brazil, so you scored some nice goals.

But your second goal was just plain cheap.

TWO. HANDBALLS. IN A ROW.

Grrrrr.

And the referee doesn’t even spot it. Two handballs in a row, right in the penalty area, and the referee doesn’t see it.

We all remember the harsh treatments of handballs in previous matches.

In fact, on TV,  I saw that after the goal, the referee asked Luis Fabiano if he used his arms to control the ball, and he shook his head and said “No”, the perfect image of innocence, that bastard.

In fact, Fabiano later said that it was the most beautiful goal in his career and that it was not a voluntary handball:

“In order to make the goal beautiful, there had to be a doubtful element”

…Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

You shameless cheater. “Most Beautiful Goal” indeed.

And I totally agree with the Ivorian player:

How can a referee ask a player if he has cheated?

At the World Cup, no player is going to tell the referee that he has cheated.

Which is why it’s so frustrating that FIFA refuses to use video technology. How many times in this tournament have people cried out against the referees’ decisions? How often have we seen inconsistency in the judgments?

I understand that referees have a very difficult job. That is why video playback should be available so the referees can make an informed decision! It’s impossible for them to see what’s going on all the time!

The tension was definitely extremely high in this game. Towards the end, it basically turned into a catfight brawl! People started shoving each other all over the place.

And poor Kaka ended up as collateral damage.

The poor soul totally didn’t deserve a red card.

On a totally random side note, doesn’t Kaka’s wife look exactly like him??????

Is that his…SISTER? *shotshotshotshotshot*

Seriously, though. Kaka’s wife looks like the female version of him. If you stare at their eyes and their smiles it’s almost creepy. She looks like a doll! o____O””’

I’m a tiny bit bummed because Switzerland lost against Chile. I was so happy for them and it would be sweet if they could win a spot in the round of 16. We’ll see how their last match goes!

Eeep, it’s the Spain game right now. Have to go watch!

___________________________________________________________________

Woohoo!

Spain was pretty awesome in this match! Many, many, MANY great shots.At least 5 really really close ones. So many, in fact, that I think they’re unlucky for not having scored more. Even the commentator said towards the end, “Spain could have realistically scored 6 or 7 tonight.”

Well, Spain has always had a reputation of being somewhat of an underachiever, I guess.

The two goals it did score were so nice though! Both were scored by David Villa:

He looks so very Spanish, no?

I would vote for him as “Man of the Match”, except he’s the reason that Spain missed a penalty shot.

And by “miss” I don’t mean that the shot was saved by the Goalkeeper.

By “miss” I meant actually missing the net.

Now seriously. The goalkeeper went in the wrong direction. All you really had to do was not miss the net.

It was a real shame though. He would’ve done a hat trick if he just managed to not miss the net. Fail fail fail fail fail.

Anyways! This kind of makes me feel better about Germany though. About the fact that Germany missed its first penalty kick in 36 years.

…Ouch. Nope. It still hurts. WHY, GERMANY, WHY.

However, the Spanish should rejoice over the stats, which are just ridiculous:

Spain		Honduras
22	Shots	9
12	Corner kicks	2
0	Yellow cards	2
0	Second yellow card and red card	0
0	Red Cards	0
57%	Possession (%)	43%

Pffffff. Ultra-fail by Honduras. This is more than getting your butt kicked. This is like…

Okay. I can’t really comment further without being massively censored. Shall we just say “stain on the ceiling of the library” and “Pineapples”. Wais and Annie will know what I’m talking about.

Which makes me think that, okay Spain, with this kind of stats you didn’t take advantage of it and score more?

Ah, well. They played really well though.

Ooh, before we wrap up, we must all be wondering how our favorite pretty girl boy Fernando Torres (the adorably freckly El Niño!) was doing!

To sum it up, he, uh… had lots of chances but couldn’t really find his “scoring touch” as the commentators called it, and then got kicked off substituted.

Ah, well. At least he looks pretty.

EXCEPT HE GOT RID OF HIS HAIR!

I demand his gorgeous streaked blonde hair back!!!!!!!!

Although on another completely unrelated side note (Wow, if only I could make a living writing these), he already has a kid!!!!!! (Well, okay, he’s married too, but he probably married the girl because she was pregnant: in February 2009 they revealed that the girl was pregnant. The wedding was in May 2009.)

I mean, what is with these soccer stars having kids before 25? I swear it’s almost like a trend!

Lukas Podolski (the guy who failed to score the penalty kick in the Germany vs. Serbia game) is the same age as Torres, and he had a kid in 2008!

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with them having kids, it’s just…

They’re professional football players. They’re moving around constantly. They can hardly just settle down.

Wouldn’t it be more prudent to have kids after their most active years as a football player? Most football players retire at 35 or so anyways.

I just don’t understand all these 20-something-year-old football stars all having kids at the busiest years of their lives. How often do they even see their kids?

I mean, imagine yourself just graduated from college and already having a kid.

Ah, well. I suppose I shouldn’t judge. After all, their lives are completely different and they’re famous. Famous people tend to live unconventional lives.

And I also have a strange feeling that these football players are pretty traditional for some reason. Don’t really know why.

All right! So lastly, here’s the status of the tournament after the first 2 rounds of the group matches, courtesy of CBC:

Group A

Current standings:

1. Uruguay: 4 points, 3 goals, +3 goal difference
2. Mexico: 4 points, 3 goals, +2 goal difference
3. France: 1 point, 0 goals, -2 goal difference
4. South Africa: 1 point, 1 goal, -3 goal difference

Next matches:

June 22: Mexico vs. Uruguay and France vs. South Africa

Uruguay advances:

• with a win or a tie, OR
• if it loses and if France-South Africa tie, OR
• if it loses and if the winner of France-South Africa doesn’t own the tiebreaker over Uruguay.

Mexico advances:

• with a win or a tie, OR
• if it loses and if France-South Africa tie, OR
• if it loses and if the winner of France-South Africa doesn’t own the tiebreaker over Mexico.

France or South Africa advance:

• if either one wins their match and if they own the tiebreaker over the loser of Mexico-Uruguay.

France and South Africa will be eliminated:

• if they tie OR if Mexico-Uruguay tie.

Group B

Current standings:

1. Argentina: 6 points, 5 goals, +4 goal difference
2. South Korea: 3 points, 3 goals, -1 goal difference
3. Greece: 3 points, 2 goals, -1 goal difference
4. Nigeria: 0 points,1 goal, -2 goal difference

Next matches:

June 22: Nigeria vs. South Korea and Greece vs. Argentina

Argentina advances:

• with a win or a tie, OR
• if South Korea ties or loses, OR
• it loses and both South Korea and Greece do not force a tiebreaker with Argentina.

South Korea advances:

• with a win and if Greece does not a) either win by a greater margin than South Korea, or b) win by same margin and score two more goals than South Korea, OR
• with a tie and if Greece ties or loses.

Greece advances:

• with a win and if South Korea ties or loses, OR
• with a win by a greater margin than South Korea, OR
• with a win by the same margin as South Korea and scores two more goals than South Korea, OR
• with a tie and if South Korea loses, OR
• with a win by three goals.

Nigeria advances

• with a win and if Argentina wins.

Group C

Current standings:

1. Slovenia: 4 points, 3 goals, +1 goal difference
2. United States: 2 points, 3 goals, 0 goal difference
3. England: 2 points,1 goal, 0 goal difference
4. Algeria: 1 point, 0 goals, -1 goal difference

Next matches:

June 23: Slovenia vs. England and United States vs. Algeria

Slovenia advances:

• with a win or tie, OR
• if it loses and if U.S. and Algeria tie, OR
• if it loses and if Algeria wins, so long as Algeria doesn’t force a tiebreaker with Slovenia.

The U.S. advances:

• with a win, OR
• with a tie and if Slovenia-England tie, so long as England does not outscore the U.S. by two goals, OR
• with a tie and if England loses.

England advances:

• with a win, OR
• with a tie and if U.S. and Algeria tie and England outscores the U.S. by three goals.

Algeria advances:

• with a win and if Slovenia wins or ties, OR
• with a win and if Slovenia loses and if Algeria forces a tiebreaker with Slovenia.

Note: If the U.S. ties Algeria and England ties Slovenia, and if England scores exactly two more goals than the U.S., then the U.S. and England would be tied for second place with all of the tiebreakers exhausted. That tie would be broken by drawing lots.

Group D

Current standings:

1. Ghana: 4 points, 2 goals, +1 goal difference
2. Germany: 3 points, 4 goals, +3 goal difference
3. Serbia: 3 points,1 goal, 0 goal difference
4. Australia: 1 point, 1 goal, -4 goal difference

Next matches:

June 23: Ghana vs. Germany and Australia vs. Serbia

Ghana advances:

• with a win or tie, OR
• with a loss and if Australia-Serbia tie, so long as Serbia does not own the tiebreaker over Ghana, OR
• with a loss and if Australia wins, so long as Australia does not own the tiebreaker over Ghana.

Germany advances:

• with a win, OR
• with a tie and if Serbia and Australia tie, so long as Serbia does not own the tiebreaker over Germany, OR
• with a tie and if Australia wins, so long as Australia does not own the tiebreaker over Germany.

Serbia advances:

• with a win, OR
• with a tie and if Ghana wins, OR
• with a tie and if Ghana and Germany tie and it owns the tiebreaker over Germany.

Australia advances:

• with a win and if Ghana wins, OR
• with a win and if Germany wins and Australia owns the tiebreaker over Ghana, OR
• with a win and if Ghana and Germany tie and if Australia owns the tiebreaker over Germany.

Group E

Current standings:

1. Netherlands: 6 points, 3 goals, +3 goal difference
2. Japan: 3 points, 1 goal, 0 goal difference
3. Denmark: 3 points, 2 goals, -1 goal difference
4. Cameroon: 0 points, 1 goal, -2 goal difference

Next matches:

June 24: Denmark vs. Japan and Cameroon vs. Netherlands

The Netherlands:

• has already clinched a spot in the second round.

Japan advances:

• with a win, OR
• with a tie.

Denmark advances:

• with a win.

Cameroon:

• has already been eliminated from the tournament.

Group F

Current standings:

1. Paraguay: 4 points, 3 goals, +2 goal difference
2. Italy: 2 points, 2 goals, 0 goal difference
3. New Zealand: 2 points, 2 goals, 0 goal difference
4. Slovakia: 1 point, 1 goal, -2 goal difference

Next matches:

June 24: Slovakia vs. Italy and Paraguay vs. New Zealand

Paraguay advances:

• With a win or a tie, OR
• with a loss and if Italy ties Slovakia, OR
• with a loss and if Slovakia wins, so long as Slovakia doesn’t force a tiebreaker with Paraguay.

Italy advances:

• with a win, OR
• with a tie and a New Zealand loss, OR
• with a tie and if Paraguay-New Zealand tie, so long as Italy outscores New Zealand.

New Zealand advances:

• with a win, OR
• with a tie and if Italy-Slovakia tie, so long as New Zealand outscores Italy.

Slovakia advances:

• with a win and a Paraguay win or tie, OR
• with a win versus Italy and a Paraguay loss, and if Slovakia forces a tiebreaker with Paraguay.

Group G

Current standings:

1. Brazil: 6 points, 5 goals, +3 goal difference
2. Portugal: 4 points, 7 goals, +7 goal difference
3. Ivory Coast: 1 point, 1 goal, -2 goal difference
4. North Korea: 0 points, 1 goal, -8 goal difference

Next matches:

June 25: Portugal vs. Brazil and North Korea vs. Ivory Coast

Brazil:

• has already clinched a spot in the second round.

Portugal advances:

• with a win or a tie, OR
• with an Ivory Coast loss or tie, OR
• with a loss and an Ivory Coast win, so long as Ivory Coast doesn’t force a tiebreaker with Portugal.

Ivory Coast advances:

• with a win and a Portugal loss and if Ivory Coast forces a tiebreaker with Portugal.

North Korea:

• has already been eliminated from the tournament.

By the way, how insane was that Portugal vs. North Korea game? 7-0! I’m going to faint!

Also, Germany – PLEASE WIN ON WEDNESDAY. I WILL CRY OTHERWISE.

Companion Post to: North Korea In World Cup

Fans are funny.

(I wish paella won)

Companion Post to THIS

Annie here. I’m not even going to try being impartial.

First of all: LOL PEOPLE’S DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF KOREA. Just when I thought it couldn’t get weirder.

And:

Spain, I am very disappoint.

סּ_סּ

.

That game was stressful, and I’m not even the most passionate of fans. I imagine a lot of cursing, swearing, drunken bar brawls and random bullfighting erupting in Spain when the game ended. Perhaps even murder.

I nominate Torres.

It’s a country full of pissed off Inigo Montoyas. Whatever happened can’t be low key.

My summary of the game:

Ball is kicked. Switzerland takes possession of the ball. It is passed around the Swiss players one to three times before being stolen by the Spanish team. The Spanish forwards passes the ball around nth number of times, circling towards the goal. Switzerland’s defence oppose strongly, but never gets possession of the ball. The ball wanders in front of the net a few times before a shot is attempted. It misses. It is passed back in front of the net by a forward. A Swiss defense either kicks the ball out of bounds or forces the Spanish forward to kick the ball out of bounds. Corner kick. Ball hover in front of the net. Shoot. Miss. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This went on for 90 minutes.

Because the ball was always in front of the net, the stress levels are always high. It’s like hockey without the wailing on each other part.

Now, onto the analysis of playing. Note that I am in no way an expert.

SPAIN: Good passes, bad defence, bad strategy ( if they had one). I’m not sure what to say about aim because they can definitely aim when making passes, but when it came to the net, about half of the shots flew off to the side (although that can be attributed to the amazing Swiss defence). And strategy — they had a strategy? It seemed as if their strategy was to hammer relentlessly at the Swiss net until one of the shots go in. And I think the Spanish defence took Switzerland too lightly. After all, the ball was in front of the Swiss net for oh, 80% of the game.

That goal was so easily preventable, but the defences left such a wide gap… friggin’…[dark aura of facepalming is hovering over this sentence right now, can't you sense it?]

The goal was called by the BBC people as the “scruffiest goal in world cup history”.

In short: great team, shitty planning. Need to practice cooperative shooting.

SWITZERLAND : GREAT DEFENCE. Kind of sucks at stealing the ball, but that would be redundant if you would just look at the stats. Strategy seems to be to mess up every shot that the Spanish team makes (and in the end, to waste time XD). I can’t exactly say that their aim is good or not because that goal was “the scruffiest in World Cup history”, and that they almost never got the ball. They were quick to act when opportunity arises.

There’s some controversy around the Swiss team’s “dirty” playing though. According to some informants of the Internet, the referee missed some fouls.

In short: A very quick footed and practical team.

Congratulations Switzerland!

Spain, pull your pants up for the next game. Live up to Inigo Montoya’s awesome name, damn it!

Or else I’m not supporting you anymore >.<.